What was my excuse? I needed him to beat me so I could cry. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I was tired and fucking things up. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. I almost fell apart and backed up. I couldn’t stand him being so nice to me right now because I was so close tocrumbling.
“Ryan, relax. Remember, I don’t want you to apologize for expressing aneed.”
“But it’s a stupidneed.”
“Your needs are not stupid. We’ve had thisdiscussion.”
I reminded myself to calm down and control myself. He’s trying to helpme.
“Let’s go calm the aches you’re feeling. Then we’lltalk.”
I nodded and followed him to his playroom.
“Undress, Ryan. Put your clothes on the table and shoes under thetable.”
Undress. Clothes on top of the table. Shoesunder.
“Good, Ryan,” Russell said as I stood with my hands to myside.
I couldn’t look at him. I felt like he could see all the crap in my head and what a terrible person that I was. I just left her there at thatplace.
“Let’s try something a little different today,” Russellsuggested.
I looked up at him, open to hissuggestion.
“Would you like to try the horizontalbar?”
I nodded and looked over at it. It was a bar that was held about seven feet in the air by two metal beams. The beams were bolted into the floor and there were several holes and D-rings up and down them. Running through the beams were blackcables.
Russell picked up a few items from his table and motioned for me to follow him. He set a squishy black rectangle on the floor and pointed to it, then he set a few other items on the ground near one of the beams. There was a flogger that I hadn’t experienced before and somecuffs.
“Kneel there and sit back on yourheels.”
I followed his instructions and watched him pull a cable about a foot down from the center of the raised bar. He attached a thick chrome ring to the cable’s end and then adjusted something on each of the beams. Russell slid a chain through the chrome ring until the two ends of the chain dangled in front ofme.
“Look at me,” Russell instructed when he crouched down in front of me. “Good, Ryan. What’s your safeword?”
“Hairdryer.”
“Good, Ryan. You say it, and the session stops.Understand?”
“Yes.”
He picked up the flogger and showed it tome.
“I’d like to use this today. Go ahead, touch the falls,” he encouraged me. I felt the thickness to these falls as he continued. “This is my heaviest flogger, Ryan. It’s made of buffalo hide and can leave some seriousmarks.”
Inodded.
“My reason for selecting this one today is not to harm you or mark your body, but rather to push you towards your release quicker.” Russell reached out and ran his thumb over the spot where my mom had slapped me yesterday. Could he tell? He gave my head a few gentle pats. “You need to reach your release quickly today, and this flogger will help us achieve thatgoal.”
He set the flogger down and when he asked for my wrists, I held them out for him. Russell wrapped a leather cuff around each wrist and buckled them while he kept his pinky finger between my skin and the inside of the leather. I knew he was doing this to check for tightness. He guided my left arm towards him and then attached a chrome clasp to one of the ends of the chain before he repeated it with the leftside.
“You have motion to hold onto the chain at almost whatever height you feel comfortable with.Okay?”
“Okay,” I said andnodded.
“Ready,Ryan?”
