“Did you have enough toeat?”
“Yeah, and then I took my shower. I’m already in bed.” Was he mad that I called too early? “I’m sorry. Did I call tooearly?”
“What is the apologyfor?”
Fuck! I did itagain!
“I’m—” What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I follow that simple fuckingdirection?
“Ryan,relax.”
“Okay.”
“The apology is a gut reaction. You’ve trained yourself to use it whenever you feel as though you’ve upset, or angered, someone. I understand where the reaction comes from and I do not expect you to change thatovernight.”
“Okay,thanks.”
I felt better that he knew I was trying not to do it asmuch.
“Did you masturbate in the shower?” heasked.
He hadn’t told me to, hadhe?
“No. Was Isupposed—”
“Relax, Ryan. I simply was curious. I’m going to let you go so you can get some rest. A bit of advice though; you will sleep better tonight if youcome.”
I laughed and told him that I’d take care ofit.
“Good, Ryan. Sleep well and I will talk to youtomorrow.”
After I got off the phone, I quickly jacked off. I’d work on slowing it down tomorrow night. I came on my shirt so I wouldn’t have to take another shower. I went to the bathroom, pulled my t-shirt off, and wiped down my stomach with a damp wash cloth. I grabbed a clean t-shirt on the way back to bed and was out like alight.
* * *
Iwoke up feeling good,and thought about Russell all day at work. He’s really good at this mentoring thing. He’s patient and I never felt weird about asking him questions. I liked being around him; he just made me feel good aboutmyself.
For whatever reason, after lunch I started to doubt things. He’s mentored lots of people. Where are all of them now? Did they decide they had learned what they needed and left on their own? Did he still talk to them or were they completely out of his lifenow?
Was I just like the others? Am I just seemingly important to him now, but he’s going to wipe his hands clean of mesoon?
