“Yes, she’s asubmissive.”
“I have no problem topping you in that type of session. But I want to ensure that you are aware that given your abusive past, you could be triggered bysomething.”
He looked down at his feet and shifted from leaning on the left armrest to theright.
“I know, but I want totry.”
Ryan knew that he could potentially have a bad experience, but the fact that he was willing to take that chance told me that he was desperate to feel some sort ofrelease.
“Tell me about the stress that you hope thisrelieves.”
Ryan nodded but shifted nervously in his chair. He stared at the ground as he gathered his words, deep inthought.
“I think I’ve held onto a lot of old shit. Stuff that has built up over the years,” Ryan murmured and glanced up at me before quickly looking away. “My friend said that this might helpme.”
I had no doubt that Ryan carried secrets that had aged in his mind. Clearly, he needed to get it out. He’d most likely carried that weight for years. I wanted to get a clearer picture of howlong.
“Ryan.” He looked up at me and placed his hand over his stomach. “Can you give me a time frame when the abuse started?” His eyes shifted to the yard over my shoulder and both knees were now bouncingnervously.
“Uh,” he started and then reached for his water. “I don’t—I don’t rememberexactly.”
“Perhaps, as long as you can remember?” I suggested. Ryan nodded a took another peek in my direction. “It’s all you’veknown.”
I had been careful to not phrase that as a question, but rather as a statement to show him that without much verbal communication from him, that I still understood. I knew with certainty that if I had been right, and I was pretty sure that I was, that he’d give me a nod to confirm. Otherwise, he’d shake me off and correctme.
There was the quiet nod that I had been waiting for. Just as I suspected, unfortunately. Ryan knew nothing of love or security in a home. If he hadn’t been nervous earlier, he absolutely was now. I could see shame and uncertainty cloud hisface.
“Thank you for sharing that with me, Ryan. It pleases me that you were comfortable enough toshare.”
His head jerked up. He looked at me as if he were waiting for me to say something else that would counter my gratitude and satisfaction that he shared something less than pleasant withme.
Time to moveforward.
“What questions do you have for me regarding the impactsession?”
I maintained a relaxed, open posture in my chair to show Ryan that I truly wanted, and needed, to know his questions and concerns. He leaned back in his chair, and set both of his hands on the arm rests of the chairs. Good; his hands weren’t on his neck orstomach.
“Uh, what—or how would the sessiongo?”
“Good question, Ryan. Ideally, we would discuss the impact implement that I’d use, go over any physical areas that I should avoid as well as your safe word, or word that would be my signal to stop. You would either be restrained to a spanking bench, or an overhead horizontal bar. The session would begin and at the end you’d receive somecare.”
“The after care stuff?” Ryan blurted out hisquestion.
“Correct.”
“It’s ok, I don’t need that part,” he quicklysaid.
“Need, orwant?”
Ryan slowed down hisrant.
“I don’t need it, or want it. Do we have to doit?”
Evidently, he had a hang-up regarding after care. I would find out what specifically he had issues with. Was it the idea of being taken care of that worried him, or did he have misconceptions on what after care really was? We could phrase it however he needed it to be phrased, but some care would takeplace.
“Ryan, I will ensure that you are of sound mind when you leave here.” I let that sit for a moment and when he didn’t try to combat it further, I continued. “I will need to make sure you are okay toleave.”
He huffed out a shortlaugh.
