He smiled and nodded again as he swallowed a gulp of water. As soon as the glass left his lips, he began toelaborate.
“I was one of the only guys on any of my teams that could consistently throw over the shoulderandsidearm,” hebeamed.
This was very interesting to me. He was adaptable; a good trait for a Top. He could mold to whatever sessions people negotiated with him. Perhaps if it hurt him to throw one way as a child from the abuse, he found another way to throw. You don’t hit high school and then decide to learn another way to throw. I would bet he’d been throwing both ways since very early on,ifthe abuse had been early on.Digcarefully.
“That’s very impressive, Ryan. Would the position that you played deem which way youthrew?”
“No.” His hand went to the back of his neck. Nervous again? “I mean, yes. Sort of.” I sipped my coffee slowly to see if he would expand on his own. This was something worth pursuing since we were on the subject. “Well, if I filled in and played in the outfield, which I hated, I always threw over the shoulder. I could just get more muscle behind the ball to throw it back to theinfield.”
“The infield was where your heart and soul were,” I added. I knew he played third base incollege.
“Yeah! I mostly played third, but occasionally short-stop. I used the side-arm in the infieldsometimes.”
Another in,dig.
“Just occasionally or on awhim?”
“Sometimes.”Hand back to his stomach.“If my shoulder hurt, from throwing over the shoulder too much, or something like that, I could switch to sidearm.”
Or something like that. Dig. Push him to not answer vaguely. Separate baseball injuries from other pain sustainedelsewhere.
“Did your shoulder hurt a lot from overuse on thefield?”
“Not so much,” he said and reached for his glass while his other hand remained on his stomach. “My brother and I fought a lot. He knew I played baseball and—” Ryan paused to sip. “And he’d make it harder for me to play without feeling it in myarm.”
His vocal tone had changed dramatically since being excited about being able to throw sidearm.
“That’s a shame. How did your folksreact?”
“They didn’t really care. We’d both get in trouble forfighting.”
“Did they come to yourgames?”
He shook his head but added, “No.” No further elaboration. A simple one word answer. Ryan reverted to one word answers, or short answers when he was clearly uncomfortable and desired to move away fromtopics.
I could see where he would get frustrated during conversations with past lovers, and conversely, how his lovers were frustrated. They more than likely didn’t know when to stop pushing him because he never communicated much of his past to them. They never picked up on clues onhowto talk to him. It had taken less than fifteen minutes for me to figure out that short, clipped, one word responses meant he was uneasy and ready to check out. It didn’t take the psychology degree to figure those things out. It’s a matter of caring about your company enough to pay attention tothem.
Moveon.
“There are two things that I wanted to touch on today, Ryan.”Hand moved away from his stomach.Ryan nodded, sat up straight and shifted forward in his seat. He was eager for this conversation now that it wasn’t on his past. “Let’s tackle number one. You’ve indicated in writing and verbally that you want to explore the BDSM and kink lifestyle because you want ‘something more.’ Specifically, I want you to tell me why you want to delve into topping, or being aTop.”
“I want to be something to someone. I want to be the one who makes someone happy. To please them and bring them pleasure,” Ryan confidentlysaid.
I examined him for a moment and thought. He was confident that he wanted to meet the needs of others. Very selfless. His comment about wanting to please people made my train of thought stop in its tracks. He wants to please. Hmm, I wonder how he’dreact...
“Good, Ryan. Being a Top is very selfless,” I said calmly and watchedhim.
A broad smile spread across his face as he accepted the compliment about being selfless. Interesting. I would dig into thatlater.
“Topic two; the impact session, you are interested in, or ‘beating’ session as you callit.”
“Yes,” he said and put hand on the back of hishead.
“At Nick’s house, you mentioned that you wanted to look into this type of session to relieve somestress.”
“That’s correct. A friend of mine said that it might replace bad memories of pain, with good ones. Pain that leads to pleasure,” he said as his legbounced.
“Under the right circumstances, pain can lead to pleasure. Definitely. Is the friend that suggested this to you in the lifestyle aswell?”
