I tried to roll my shoulders. Adjusting my position made me aware of the tightness in my back. I lifted my head slightly, but decided that it felt better to rest on the side of myface.
Somehow my thoughts drifted backwards to where I had been bent over my father’s desk in his den. He held me still with his hand over the back of my neck. I opened my eyes. Russell’s hand as it rubbed across my upper back, pulled me away from my dad’sden.
“You weren’t a badboy.”
But, I hadbeen.
“You were like all boys and discoveredyourself.”
No, I had been bad. I was a terrible fuckingkid.
As I sniffled quietly to clear the congestion and take in a deep breath of air, he began to flog my upper back again. Only this time, I felt just three strikes from the tails of the flogger and then his hand rubbed over thearea.
“You didn’t deserve what they put you through,Ryan.”
Then why did they do it?I screamed to myself. I could feel myself losing control and I didn’t want him to see me out of control like that. I kept my eyes tightly shut and breathed through mymouth.
“You’ve been so brave today,Ryan.”
Please stoptalking!
I tightly closed my mouth. I couldn’t hold it in muchlonger.
“You were a good boy,Ryan.”
Fuck!
A childish, fucking gasp tore from my chest. I tuned out his voice and lifted the side of my head off the bench frame and settled my forehead down on the headrest. I couldn’t believe I was at the crying stage. I felt soembarrassed.
Do not fucking cry! You are not the pussy you once were! Do not cry in front of thisguy!
Even though I screamed at myself and told myself not to cry, I still felt the familiar burn in my eyes and at the back of my throat. His hand continued to rub my upper back, but this time he was much gentler and not as rough as he had been during the flogging…but I had liked theroughness.
