Ryan: He said that with my background he thinks that the bench would be where it would be bestreceived.
Kim: Did he say what he woulduse?
Ryan: Aflogger.
April: You’ll love the flogger. You’re going to get your cathartic release in just a few days. You’ll loveit.
Kim posted a picture of an online dictionary’s definition of the word cathartic. Though I’d known what the word meant, it wasn’t until I saw the formal definition had I began topanic.
Cathartic: Providing psychological relief through the open expression of strongemotions.
Fuck. I re-read it over and over until I had grasped it. I knew that Russell had a psychology degree and that he gave seminars on different things pertaining to the BDSM lifestyle, but suddenly I felt very exposed. Even fully clothed, I was a sitting duck forhim.
Ryan: Damn. He’s going to hit me until Icry.
Kim: No, he’s not, lol. He’s going to flog you until you get what youneed.
April: Or until you say “red.”
Or hairdryer, I thought tomyself.
Ryan: And he’ll just know when tostop?
Kim: You’d besurprised.
April: He’ll be able to read your bodylanguage.
Something that I had put out of my mind came rushing back in; what if I get hard while he hitsme?
Kim: It’s a Domthing.
April: He’s a Dom’sTop.
He’s a Dom’s Top. What did that mean exactly? I wrapped up our conversation so I could get some sleep, but before I shut the lights out, I checked my email. One from Russell was waiting forme.
Ryan,
Contrary to what you’d been led to believe, masturbating didn’t make you “bad.” Neither did watching porn, or reading sexy stories. Please don’t overthink this next part, but I don’t want you to masturbate the night before or the morning of oursession.
Russell
* * *
Ihad triedto hold the tears back, but everything hurt. I bent down to put my shoes back on and tried to think about baseball. It was freezing outside and I couldn’t stop shaking. I could see the blood on my knuckles as I tried to straighten the back of my shoe. Everything got blurry and even thought I told myself not to cry, I couldn’t help it. I quickly lowered my head to my knee so he wouldn’t hearme.
“Ryan!” He growled at me through gritted teeth as he pulled me off the ground by my arm. “Stop your goddamncrying!”
He shook me until I lost my balance and tripped over the train tracks. My shoes had only been part way on and when I tripped, my shoes came off. My knees hurt from the hard fall. My pants had torn over one of the knees, and I could tell that it wasbleeding.
“Get off the ground,Ryan!”
I hurried and put my shoes on before I stoodup.
“Now be quiet and let’sgo.”
I followed behind my dad and tried to keep up with him. When I heard more voices, I reached for my dad’s sleeve and lookedaround.
“Stop, Ryan. Are you a fuckingpussy?”
