“Nooo.”
“Then why are you reaching for my arm?” His tone was harsh. While I looked around for the voices, he slapped me across the face. “Pussy boys reach for their daddy’s arm. So, you must beone.”
“Nooo, I’m not. I just want to gohome.”
“We’regoing.”
When we got in the car, I quickly locked the door and slid across the back seat to the other side to lock that door too. As we drove away from the train yard, I was still shivering and my stomach hurt. I leaned my head on the door and could feel the chill against the window. I watched the lights pass by and sat up straight when I saw the golden arches. They were two stoplightsaway.
My stomach growled as I prayed he’d stop. He usually stopped after he took me to the train yard. It was my reward. I sighed in relief when dad put the turn signal on and turned into the parking lot of McDonald’s. He headed to the drive-thru.
“Dad, can we go inside, please? I need to go to thebathroom?”
I squirmed around and hoped the feeling I had would soon goaway.
“No, we need to gethome.”
I frowned and punched the seat next to me. My dad reached around, grabbed my lower leg and squeezed hard until I cried out and said I wassorry.
I scarfed my food down in the backseat on the way home. I thought the food would have made my stomach feel better, but it stillhurt.
Iwokeup with my heart pounding and my hand on my stomach. Whenever I woke up from dreams like that, I always looked around the room to confirm that I was in the present. Yep, all was fine. Nightmares occasionally visited me over the years. Never before had they been so frequent as they had been since I started emailing Russell this pastweek.
Today was the day. Though it was early, I decided to get out of bed. I was too anxious to go back tosleep.
I put on some shorts and a t-shirt and went for a jog around the neighborhood. My thoughts had been all over the place as I ran. What would today bring? When I go to bed tonight, would I be the same guy as when I had woken up? Or was this putting me on a collision course with mypast?
I spent only the required amount of time in the shower. Russell had asked me not to jack off thismorning.
The massage wasn’t bad at all. The masseur was the guy that Russell saw each time he either hosted a party or was going to one. I stayed in my boxers and had been nervous about the massage, but within a few minutes, I realized how amazing itfelt.
“You need to come see me more often. Your back is full of knots and tension,” hesaid.
Somehow that hadn’t surprised me. During the massage all I could think about was that my next stop was Russell’s. He was going to beat me, and I was voluntarily asking for it. The massage had made me feel relaxed, but my nervousness showed itself again as I walked to hisdoor.
“Ryan, good to see you. Please come in.” Russell stepped to the side to let me pass and enter his home. “How are youfeeling?”
“Good,” I said. My voice sounded raspy, and suddenly I felt like my throat was bone dry. “Thank you for the massage. I hadn’t realized you paid for it. I brought money and will pay you back.” I pulled out my wallet but Russell held his hands up to haltme.
“No need for repayment,Ryan.”
“But—”
“Not another word on the matter.” I reluctantly put my wallet in my back pocket. “Now, as we previously discussed, I have a bottom in the living room that will service you orally after our session. There are no expectations, Ryan. You can decide at the end if you’d like to accept it, or declineit.”
I looked around his shoulder to see if I could see the girl, but Icouldn’t.
“And she won’t see me? I mean, she won’t see you beatme?”
Russell shook hishead.
“She will remain in the living room until I signal forher.”
“What, uh, what is thesignal?”
I think I was stallingnow.
“The door to the room we will be in will remain closed, and at the end if you’d like her to give you a hand, I will open the door. That is hersignal.”
