Chapter Four
December2002
“Ryan,don’t you think it’s time that you go see your father? I’m going tomorrow, and I think it would be a good gesture on your part if you comealong.”
Was she out of hermind?
“I’m not going there. Are you kiddingme?”
I waited for the laughter and punch line, but it never came. I looked at Chad and wanted to knock the smile off hisface.
“Baby, you haven’t seen him since court in September, and before that, it was in May. It’s been hard onhim.”
I shut my eyes and leaned my head back and tilted it upward. I couldn’t fucking stand much more of thatshit.
‘’Stop calling me that,” Ifumed.
It was useless for me to waste my breath because she acted like she hadn’t heard a word I said. Suddenly, I was hit in the chest by my brother’s fist. I stared at him while I rubbed mychest.
“What the fuck,Chad?”
“She’s talking to you, pussy. Fucking show her somerespect.”
Everyone in my family had lost their minds. I neededout.
“Ryan, your brother has gone to see yourfather.”
“I don’t care! I don’t want to seehim!”
“You’re going to go! I’m going tomorrow, and you are coming with me. It’s a five-hour drive, and we need to leaveearly.”
“No, you can forget it!” Iroared.
I let my fork and knife clang loudly on our mismatched dinner plates. I was outraged. I wasn’t a childanymore.
“Young man, you will show your father some respect! He put a roof over your ungrateful, selfish head,” my motherranted.
I went to my room with a sore chest, but it was nothing compared to how I wokeup.
“There, you fucking littlepussy.”
My brother punched me in my lower back as he got off me. I hated him. I reached back to rub on the place he had just hit while he sneered at me. Hell would find himsomeday.
“Did you like that?” he asked as he tossed his condom atme.
I didn’t answer but continued to rub my back. Utter hate and disgust washed over me as Chad reached for his beloved video recorder. He viewed the playback on the small screen, and a detestable grin spread onto hisface.
“Better hurry. Mom’s almost ready to go seeDad.”
“She’ll have a long ride alone because I’m notgoing.”
“You’re going, Ryan. Dad wants to see you. He told me the last time I visitedhim.”
I didn’t believe him. I steadied myself and took a slow, deep breath to gauge how bad it hurt to breathe. Dad had just been cleared at the start of the month to have visitors. My mom and Chad had gone to visit Dad at every opportunity. Not me. I had nothing tosay.
“Ryan, if you don’t go, this video I just made is going to find its way to your fuckinguniversity.”
I looked at him, and suddenly I felt even worse. All of the physical pain that blanketed my body was no match for the pain I felt in my stomachnow.
