I nodded and flung my backpack over my shoulders. I walked out with them but headed in a different direction than the parkinglot.
Alone, I sat on the bus. I made no eye contact with anyone and kept my head down. I didn’t know what to think. I had hoped that the bus ride would have given me time to figure out what to do or say when I returned home, but I hadn’t been able to focus or concentrate on anything. I didn’t even remember walking from the bus stop to my house, but I was suddenly there. As I walked up the steps, I could see inside because the front door was open with only the screen door keeping the worldout.
From the porch, I heard the sobs of my mother. I felt like I had a boulder in my throat. I took a deep breath, pulled the screen door opened and stepped inside. I caught the screen door so that it wouldn’t slam, sending that cheap metal tinging noise throughout the house. Quietly, I set my backpack on the floor and slowly walked into the living room. My mom sat on the couch and was flanked by my brother and hisgirlfriend.
“About time you show up,” Marie,muttered.
“Where have you been, Ryan? I texted you hours ago,” Chad said in a calmtone.
“Game,” I said and quickly swallowed. My voice caught on the boulder that was lodged in my throat. “I had a game today,” I saidquietly.
“That’s right,” my mom nodded her head. “It’s always about you, Ryan. Your precious, fucking baseball games,” she said through gritted teeth. “Well, did youwin?”
“I came as soon as I heard,” I explained. I left out that I hit my first home run in a collegegame.
“Sure you did, you selfish shit. What, you came after you rounded all the bases with your cheerleaders and coaches?” Mom yelled at me. I couldn’t believe what she had said. She didn’t understand that baseball was all I had. “Huh, Chad? Did you find a nice replacement for yourfather?”
“Mom, I’m Ryan,” I said and quickly wiped away a streak of tears that ran down myface.
She stood from the couch and crossed the room to me. Her hand made contact with my face numerous times before I stepped back and shielded myface.
“I know who you are! You took everything from me! You’re a horrible, filthy person and you are no son of mine!” Tears wouldn’t stop falling from my eyes as I leaned facing the wall while she pounded her fists on my back. “You were such a dirty boy! Your father loved you and wanted to cure your impurities! Look what his love for you did! You sent him to prison! You got himkilled!”
She reached around and began fumbling with my belt. I pushed her hands awayrepeatedly.
“Mom, please, stop,” Ibegged.
“Chad!” She yelled for my brother and pulled at the back of my pants. “Chad get over here and make him pay for what he did to yourfather.”
“Mom, he’s not worth it right now,” Chad said from thecouch.
“Give me your belt, damnyou.”
I thought she was done taking it out on me and turned around. Chad was actually standing up and removing his belt to give toher.
“Are you out of your mind?” I askedhim.
“Let her get it out, Ry. You oweher.”
He was out of his mind. They all were. Including me for standing here and taking this shit. My focus quickly shifted from Chad to my mom as she angrily wielded Chad’s belt. For safety, I turned back to face the wall and shielded the sides of my face with my hands. She continued to yell shit at me while the belt landed over and over on the back of mybody.
“I hope you played terrible today as your father died! He was found early this morning in his cell, laying in a puddle of his ownblood!”
The belt came down furiously on me, and then it stopped. Her sobs grew louder, and I heard the belt fall to the ground before I let myself turn around. Chad was holding onto my mom now, hugging her. I didn’t think he was doing it for my benefit, but I liked to think that maybe hewas.
“Chad, honey, this could be a good video opportunity,” Marie excitedly burst out with what she thought was a bright idea. No one acknowledged her comment. “Chad, it could be a ‘big brother consoling his little brother’ type ofthing.”
“Not now, Marie,” Chad glared at me over Mom’s head while still embracing her. “We’ll make a video latersweetheart.”
“Make him leave, Chad,” my mom said through grittedteeth.
When she began to pound her fists on Chad’s chest, he rolled his eyes and handed my mom off to Marie. He motioned towards thedoor.
I slowly walked to the entryway and picked up my backpack. Chad opened the screen door for me and stepped out on theporch.
“Chad, what happened?” Iasked.
“The prison called this morning for Mom. They said there had been an accident and that Dad was dead.” Chad looked down and then continued without looking at me. “His throat had beenslit.”
