“I think there has been a misunderstanding,” Ibegan.
“No, Ryan! You said you were coming by. I got my friends together. They have all been looking forward to seeing youagain.”
I shook my head and glanced at the women. None of these people were her friends. They were all sick fucking people.Criminals.
“Baby, I can’t make the house payment with your joke of a paycheck. You made me lose your father’s income. The only way I can survive is by selling videos. Your brother makes some good ones, but he got himself arrested. When you said you were coming over today, I knew you meant to help with a video. That’s what I expect. That is what my friends who paid to participate expect. So, unless you want your fucking university to start receiving videos of you, you better find your balls and participate in my fuckingvideo.”
“You’re sick in the head.” I shook my head ather.
“I am not sick in the head!” Mom screamed. She wiped her mouth where saliva had dribbled. “I wonder if USC would be happy that they gave scholarship money to a fucking pussy boy who’s caught on video doing nasty things,” Mom said with a disgusting smile. “You’d be out on your hot little ass, with nowhere to go but to come home andhelp.”
“You’re unbelievable. You’re going to blackmail your own son?” She stood there with a smug grin on herface.
“Call it what you want, baby.” She gestured to the women, “All of my friends come over on the weekends, and we have a Ryan marathon. Fifty dollars gets them an afternoon of videofun.”
I couldn’t believe what I washearing.
“We’ve been waiting to see what a strong man you’ve grown into,” one of the women who happened to be a repeat visitorsaid.
I felt as though I would be sick to my stomach at any moment. I looked at my mom when laughter bellowed out of her. She was pointing to my hand that was holding mystomach.
“His tummy aches!” she screeched with a hideouslaugh.
Chapter Eight
Summer2003
Ihated them.
I hatedmyself.
I could feel myself shake while I stared at the nail files that lay strewn on the floor. The scene looked like something out of a sorority or frat party. Nail files replaced the would-be red party cups and beer cans. While I tried to focus on where I was bleeding, I tried pushing out oldthings.
Cutting had been the theme, as usual. I’m sure this one had started out as the others; the deposit in cash would be exchanged for an old metal nail file. When my parents started to get those second notice bills in the mail, my dad would tell her to have a nail party. They made it sound like a women’s spa day. But it was far too sinister to be anything remotelyrelaxing.
I swallowed hard as I caught sight of a file near my shoes a short distance away. The tip was completely covered in blood. I slowly felt my face to make sure I was okay. When I pulled my hand away to look at it, I was happy that I didn’t see any blood. I repeated my self-exam by running my hand over my neck; no blood. I wasokay.
Beer residue burned the cuts on my stomach and arms, but I refused to look down. I knew that the bulk of the damage couldn’t be seen without the aid of a mirror. There was no way that I’d go looking for the cuts. I neverdid.
I rubbed at my sore wrists while I eyed the heart-shaped plastic handcuffs that looked like an innocent bachelorette party decoration. They held my wrists solidly as they snapped shut around the leg of the heavy planter near the videocamera.
What made me so angry, was that I allowed this. I had been disgusted with myself and felt as filthy as ever. My sinuses burned with the repulsive stench of wet cigarettes and iron. I sniffled to get the runny nose under control and heard some women laughing. Fuckingbitches.
“Ry-Ry, need a nurse?” Chad’s girlfriend walked towardme.
“Or a Band-Aid?” one of the fucking bitches chimedin.
“The sicko probably likes to bleed,” another onelaughed.
“Ry, can I get you anything?” Marie asked as she bent down in front ofme.
I shook my head without making eye contact with her and began gathering my clothes. While the money exchanged hands and I dressed, squabbling among the vultures brokeout.
“I should get a discount because he came toofast!”
“Yeah, Liz, he didn’t even come onme!”
“Ladies! He’s a college kid. Some of you know how quick he comes. He’s always been like that. We tried to curb it, but he has no control. His brother would catch him wanking, so we’d whiphim.”
