“You know what, Ryan Hudson? Your blood fucking sucks! Good luck getting any pussy. I feel sorry for the next victim of your bed. You’re anasshole.”
She grabbed a pair of scissors from my cup holder on my desk and made several stabbing motions on my airmattress.
“There! Bang some other idiot on your sexy bed!” she mocked what was left of my pitiful bed. “Don’t call meagain!”
“I won’t,” I said under mybreath.
“Fuck you, RyanHudson!”
She stormed out of my room, and I held my breath as I waited to hear the front door shut. When it slammed, I exhaled and jumped off my deflating bed. That was important, but right now I needed ashower.
After my shower, I settled on the couch to watch some baseball and clear out some email. When I opened my email, I wasn’t surprised to find emails from mybrother.
One email was from last week telling me about how they went to see Dad and how he looked stressed. I didn’t give a fuck how helooked.
Another email seemed to have been sent in a drunken state. Few sentences made sense, and there wasn’t much punctuation. There was one line that scared the shit out ofme.
“If you don’t start coming over once a week for videos, your university will start receiving your oldvideos.”
He had threatened this before. I couldn’t be sure that this time it would be an empty threat. I had too much to lose. I set the laptop on the coffee table and started to think. I wasn’t doing that shit anymore. Was it the money they wanted? I could start giving them some of my paychecks. Now that it was summer and school was out, I had been working fulltime.
I decided to let the email go unanswered for a few days. I didn’t want it to look like I didn’t believe him, but I had hoped that he had sobered up and forgot about the email. On the fifth day from when I received his last email, I got an email from my mom. Chad must have given her my email address because I certainlyhadn’t.
Ryan,baby—
I felt the pang in my stomach when I read that. I could hear her call me “baby” and it disgusted me. Now that I was in a real shitty mood, I continued toread.
Your brother was arrested for public intoxication, and they found drugs on him. Baby, please come home and help me. My hours were cut, and now that your brother isn’t here, I don’t have the money for the bills. One video will get me the money I need. Please,baby.
Could I do that again? Hell no! I could give her the rest of my paycheck to help. I replied that I’d come by tomorrow to give her somemoney.
The next day when I got paid, I cashed the check and set aside $300 for the month. The other $700 I’d give to her. My knees bounced nervously on the ride to the place I used tolive.
As I walked down the sidewalk that led to my former home, I noticed how busy the street was. Parked cars lined the streets and kids were outside playing catch and riding bikes. The neighborhood was a mix of generations and cultures, and most of the same people still lived here that lived here when I grewup.
None of them ever said anything. The older man next door waved when he saw me walking toward my home. He was watching his grandkids play in the grass now as I sat down on the brick wall by our mailbox. I picked up a leaf from the wall and reminisced about the neighbor. He always waved to my brother and me, or my parents. He was friendly. He also witnessed my father beating me on the porch for not raking the leaves. The neighbor would always go inside if my brother or I were being yelled at. He never bothered to help, not even when I wasbegging.
I learned early that even though he was nice, helping was an inconvenience to him. Trusting adults wasn’t high on my list of things that I could count on. I was in the first grade when I wiggled free of my father’s grip and ran out of the house to the neighbor. Everything forever changed between my brother and me thatday.
“Ow!”I cried out when the belt hit mybutt.
The pain and my attempt to escape only pushed me forward and away from my dad. My mom was a few feet away, waiting with a wet dishrag. When I moved away from Dad, Mom would slap the towel againstme.
“Chad!” I cried out for mybrother.
We both had been in trouble for playing in the leaves instead of raking them. We had a leaf fight and lost track of time. We were paying for it now. The belt was hitting my legs, butt and back as I tried getting out of my dad’s grip. Mom’s wet dish rag struck me everywhere on my frontside.
“Hold still dammit, Ryan!” he shook me by my arm. “Liz! You have to snap therag!”
Mom and Dad yelled at one another while they took turns hitting me. Chad finally came out, but his knees buckled causing him to fall to the floor. When Dad had found out that we hadn’t raked the leaves, he had taken Chad to his den. Bad stuff happened inthere.
Chad curled up on the floor and leaned against the couch. I kept waiting for Chad to get up and help me. I yelled for him again, but he was still resting against the couch. His eyes were open, and he stared right at me. Why wasn’t hehelping?
“For Christ’s sake Liz! You’re so useless that you can’t even beat them right!” Dad yelled and shoved me to thefloor.
He slapped her, took the rag and snapped it hard at my chest. While my mom cried as my dad hit her with the belt, I scrambled off the floor, pulled my pants up and ran next door. Even though my dad yelled my name, I still ran next door. My shaky fingers rang the doorbell repeatedly while I knocked on thedoor.
“Ryan!” my dad yelled from ourporch.
