I stormed off to my room and didn’t stop even when she threw her coffee mug and calculator at me. I made it to my room and locked the door. It wasn’t long before she began pounding on the door andscreaming.
“Ryan! You owe me, goddamn you! Do you hearme?”
I sat on the bed and leaned forward. I stared at the floor as she spat a string of vile words at me. Words stopped hurting me a long timeago.
“Ryan! I keptyou!”
I was hearing her words, but none of it really sankin.
“I didn’t want you! You were an accident, and I was going to abort you before your father foundout!”
Ouch.
“Your father wanted to keepyou!”
Of course, he did. He needed me to feed his sick, twistedhunger.
“You owe me you little son of a bitchpussy!”
She pounded on the door and kicked at it. I didn’t fucking care. I should bepacking.
“It’s your fault your father is gone! You are not leaving me! Do you hear me you littlefuck?”
She was quiet, and I thought that she had moved away from the door. I got up and opened my closet door to begin gathering my stuff. I had to figure out how to get my stuff from here to my new place in just one trip because I wasn’t coming backhere.
“Ryan,baby.”
Fuck! I hated it when she called me that. It sounded disgusting to me in that fake assvoice.
“Baby, if you leave, I won’t be able to stay in our home. Is that what youwant?”
Now she sounded sad and remorseful. I turned and looked at thedoor.
“Baby, your father and I built this home with everything we had. Your selfishness and carelessness sent him away for life. You tore our family apart, baby. The least you can do isstay.”
I frowned and crouched down. It wasn’t my fault the school found out. I fell asleep inclass.
“Do you have any idea how upset your brother will be if you moveout?”
Fuckthat.
“Well, do you, baby? He’d miss you so much.” I stayed quiet but jumped when she pounded on the door. “You’re not leaving, Ryan! I can’t keep the bills up alone without you here. Your father told you to listen to me and help me withexpenses!”
I pulled out my wallet and checked the amount of cash I had. I hated the guilt trip. I put two hundred dollars worth on the floor by my foot and twisted to face thedoor.
“I can help.” I stared at more than half my earnings from my part-time job at the gym on campus. Campus jobs didn’t pay well, but I didn’t have a car to get to a job off campus. It was hard enough for me to catch connecting buses to get to my classes ontime.
“Baby,” my mom poured on the seductivetone.
“I can give you two hundred that I earned on campus,” Ioffered.
“Two hundred dollars?” her tone turned sour. “Baby, that won’t even covergroceries—”
“Well if you stopped buying booze, you could put food on the damntable!”
“Baby, you don’t meanthat.”
“I do. I really do. I’ve watched you and Dad spend money on booze when we barely had enough to eat. I saw what happened; I wasn’t dumb or blind as a kid. Paydays would come, and you and Dad would come home with booze orhigh.”
