After the clothes are switched from the washer to the dryer, everything in my bathroom is put away, andmostof my clothes are back in the drawers, I hop in the shower and stand in there for too long, fighting off memories of the time I bathed after Jaxon and I met in the woods the first time while trying to ignore how vulnerable I am in the shower while home alone.
I knew coming back here would be tough for this reason—there are so many things that remind me of him. But, like I decided the other day… I need to move on from him. So that’s what I plan to do.
Chapter Eighteen
Jaxon
I went down a rabbit hole trying to figure out where the hell my mother is hiding out and who is protecting her, which caused me to miss the fact that Sailor packed all of her things and left. I caught a glimpse of her out the window as she threw her last bag into the trunk of her car and slammed it shut. It took a moment for me to realize what was going on, and I quickly went to the cameras, backtracked the footage, and listened to the conversation she had with Sam.
Guess we’re going back home.
I pack up everything I need, which isn’t much, and get on the road about twenty minutes after Sailor leaves. Either I’ll come back for the rest of my things another time or I’ll send someone else to do it… I don’t want to keep asking Vincent for favors by using his guys, but if he’s offering, it’s hard to ignore it when I could use the help. I just need to remember that nothing is free and everything he does will have to be repaid somehow.
I may be into some fucked up things, but I’ve seen what that organization does to you, and I’m not interested in it taking overmy life. I’ve gone my whole life with that dark cloud hanging over my head, with my mother being up my ass about making it my life, that I just don’t fucking want to. I want to live my life on my terms, and that’s fucking it.
Driving directly to Sailor’s house would be stupid—she’s likely looking out for me—so I park around the corner and pull up the camera feed on my phone.
Right after she left, before I found the open apartment in Sam’s building, I changed all the camera’s I’d put in her house. I figured if she ever came back, which I assumed she would, she’d turn the house upside down trying to find out if there were cameras hidden. She’d never mentioned knowing they were in the house, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t know. Of course she could still find them now, but the new ones are upgraded and much more difficult to find… thanks to Vincent.
But either she doesn’t know or she doesn’t care, because she doesn’t go searching for cameras. Maybe there is hope for us after all. Or maybe she has underestimated me.
After I got into my car, I noticed the message from her telling Shadow that she was leaving, and so I send a message back asking her how things went, even though I already know. After putting her things away, she hops in the shower— to which I enjoy way too much.
The lighting in Sam’s bathroom was all wrong and cast too many shadows, making things difficult to see. Sailor’s bathroom has perfect lighting, even in the shower, making it easy to see everything. Every curve, every dip, every inch of her skin. Washing herself is innocent, but I feel her softness beneath my fingers as she does, craving to be in there with her and doing it for her. My chest gets tight, and my eyes fall closed for a moment so I can fucking breathe and tell myself that this won’t last forever. She’ll be mine again soon.
My phone rings, startling the fuck out of me.
Vincent.
“Yeah?”
“You busy?”
“A little, why?”
“We’ve got some problems… and we need to talk.”
“So talk now,” I grunt.
I’m not in the mood to listen to his spiel about getting me to join and running this shit with him, and we just checked in about my mother, so it can’t have to do with that. I handle enough of these things on my own, I don’t need his help. I was fine without him before, I’ll be fine without him now. My mother never did a thing for me, never gave me any benefits of the organization. In fact, all she did was threaten me with it. Nothing Vincent can say to me will make me change my mind about running it with him, or taking it over, or even just being affiliated officially—I don’t fucking want it.
“Not over the phone.”
I’m met with silence, those words lingering in the air. Not over the phone? So something is going on, something I shouldn’t care about and shouldn’t even be involved with, but unfortunately, dodging this shit is going to be my life because my mother made it so. God, I fucking hate her. Even my father is still wrapped up in this bullshit, and they’ve been divorced for years. He’ll be stuck in it until the day he fucking dies. I don’t want to be him. I don’t want this shit held over my head forever.
“Okay,” is all I say, not sure I hid my annoyance at being dragged into this shit.
Again.
“You know where to meet me.”
The call goes dead. The video on my phone starts again, but it shows an empty, glistening shower. I skip through the feeds and find Sailor curled up on the couch, doing something on her phone that the angle of the camera won’t allow me to see. I watchher do this for nearly ten minutes before tossing my phone to the passenger seat and heading to the meet-up place with Vincent, which is a forty-minute drive if I don’t hit traffic.
By the time I get to the Mountain View Motel, which does not, in any form, have views of mountains, it’s been nearly an hour and a half.
It annoys me that my brain is full of all this useless information, like where to meet him when he says “you know where to meet me” versus “meet me at our spot” or “see you at the location.”
Each phrase has a different place to meet, and I am fucking tired of living my life in code. Maybe I should consider kidnapping Sailor and bringing us to the other side of the country… or better yet, the other side of the world.
