What exactly does he mean by that? My head is spinning. My stomach feels like it’s about to eat itself. I’m not in the right condition to fully comprehend what Caleb means by “you’re not alone in this,” other than the obvious.
We’re not together.
“Take out the James Taylor malarkey for a moment—does that change anything?” Caleb asks.
My heart is beating so fast that it’s basically humming like a drone. Since meeting Caleb, all I’ve ever done is yearn for him, and dwell on how incredible we were together. There was never gonna be another him, and if I could choose one man to father my kids, it would be him, and him only.
But all of this doesn’t change the fact that he left, and I was gutted.
All I can think about is how paralyzed I was with grief.
“If I took out all of the other factors, then yes, I’d want to keep the child.” My hand goes instinctively to my lower abdomen, settling there even though I’m not that far along for there to be a bump.
“Then, what’s the problem?”
“The problem is you, Caleb. You leaving again and making me even more broken than before.”
27
CALEB
Guilt crawlsunder each of my ribs and stays there. As it should.
It was wrong of me to keep the truth about Ellie from Hart before, back when we met for the first time. But I thought the past was behind me. I never thought I’d be seeing my daughter again.
“Understandable,” I murmur.
The past is repeating itself. This is the second time I’m being denied from seeing my kid.
It’s a double whammy of hurt. Because this time around, two people are exiting my life instead of one.
Sure, Piper is around for now. But nothing is stopping her from walking away. She has already put emotional distance between us with that comment. Soon it will be physical when the investigation is over. When she’s free to go.
My eyes gravitate toward the pregnancy test on the unit, and my airways start to restrict.
“I need some air.”
“Okay,” she says, her voice tiny. “I’ll sort the kids out.”
It’s my turn to help get them ready for the day, but I’m in no state to do that with a clogged esophagus. All of the air is stuck in my throat.
Another human. Another person to protect. I’m juggling three at the moment. I’m unsure if I can handle a fourth. The grass really is greener where you water it, and I can’t water three peoples’ grasses at once without at least one being left to perish.
I stare out onto the lawn and remember the events of last night. I punched a guy in the eye and maybe blinded him. It’s over. For now…
Trouble always has a way of catching up to you when you least expect. Take Piper’s father, for instance. You think you can run, but you never can.
Granted, I don’t owe the stalker a shit ton of money, just an apology, but one nasty punch is enough for him to come back.
I heard the way he was talking about our kids, how he was threatening to use them as ammunition, making Piper open up about where her father is hiding.
Guilt clogs every artery in my body, filling my heart with the most painful kind of dread. Innocent people always pay the price. I’m older and not in high school anymore, but I’m still that selfish teenager who only thought about saving himself, no one else.
It’s truly impossible to save everyone. But it feels as if my soul is being controlled by the devil. Like I subconsciously don’t want to help anyone but myself.
Me punching the stalker was instinct. And now it’s cost me everything.
I sit down on the table by the porch, welcoming in more of the guilt.
