“Of course you could!” She waved me off. “You know I’ll be the best roommate and auntie!”
I looked at her, tears rimming my eyes at her offer.
“You’re not going to do this alone,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said with a disbelieving nod. “But I’m moving out as soon as my debt is paid off.”
“There’s no rush. Take all the time you need. That’s what friends are for.”
Chapter 50
Jeremiah
Igrabbed my coffee from the end of the long marble countertop as the baristas busily worked behind it, foaming milk and calling out names of customers. I said a quick, unheard thank-you and turned to leave, but not before looking around the coffee shop. This was the place I usually sent Sadie to pick up my coffee order of an iced vanilla americano.
At the tables, men and women in business suits held meetings or scrolled their phones as they sipped their coffee. I looked for her red hair, but there was no sign of her in the crowd. It was stupid to think she would be here when I would bet she was staying far away from anywhere I might be. I let out a small sigh and pushed through the door of the coffee shop out to the sidewalk where the cool air kissed my face.
I breathed in the fresh air. Fall was here. I could always tell by the change in the air. I looked up at the trees. They wouldbe changing soon to warm shades of orange and red. Another reminder of Sadie. Great.
I wondered what she was doing now. Where she was. I thought about our baby growing. I hated that I wasn’t there to witness it. Even though I couldn’t see him or her, I could feel them. I could feel the love Sadie had as a mother. Without it, I felt empty.
The last few days without her had been more than lonely. There had been a void. It was black and cold and a cruel reminder of everything I had done wrong. Everything I had done to push her away. It was my fault.
I shook my head and began the short walk up the sidewalk to the office. It was usually my sanctuary. My place to get away and get lost in work. Now, as I looked up at the glass building, I didn’t feel anything for it but dread.
Straightening my shoulders as if preparing for some sort of battle, I pushed through the heavy glass door. I rode up the elevator to where I was spit out into the den of people who hated me. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me. It would fuel me. To be meaner. Tougher. But today, it just felt exhausting.
I pressed my lips into a tight smile and strode for my office, where I closed the door and lowered the shades. I couldn’t bear to look over at Sadie’s desk that was now filled by Luke, who I only managed to give a single nod to as I passed. I hoped he knew me well enough by now after a few weeks of working for me when to stay away.
I hadn’t realized how much I took for granted having Sadie sit across from me every single day. Even when we weren’t catching each other’s longing glances, I would get caught up in the sight of her. The way she furrowed her brow when she read a particularly wordy email. The way she leaned in close to the glow of the screen of the laptop. Maybe she needed glasses. The way she chewed on the tip of her pen when she was deep in thought, her green eyes lost in wherever her mind was.
I ran my hand through my hair frustratedly, as the familiar longing I had been feeling since she walked out the door of her bedroom a few days ago began to creep in. I looked around my office at the walls of accolades and shelves of more of the same. I didn’t have a single picture in here. It all felt so sterile. Meaningless.
When did billions of dollars and a damn empire become meaningless?
I had only been here for two minutes and I already wanted out, as if the walls were closing in on me with reminders of the life I was missing. I quickly stood from my chair. It bumped into the window behind me as I made for the door. I pulled it open hastily, causing Luke’s wary eyes to land on me, along with the rest of the office. I cleared my throat.
“I’ll be out of office today,” I said firmly, not understanding why I felt the need to explain myself to anyone here. I never had.
I had never taken any time at all to talk to anyone here. As I looked around at their confused expressions, I realized I didn’tknow a single person’s name. I looked at each of their desks and saw the lives they held outside of the office, giving a peek into who they were. There were photos of friends at Central Park, newborn babies, family photos by the tree on Christmas. There were colorful drawings of stick figures with unreadable words in lowercase and uppercase letters. There were little figurines lined up by keyboards and softball and pickleball trophies.
Selfishly, I had walked around the office rubbing it in everyone’s faces that I owned the place. Ownedthem.I never took the time to get to know anyone here, aside from the information I gathered to either fire or keep them on. For the first time in my life, it bothered me.
As I looked around now, I realized every single one of them had lives outside of this building.
Everyone, but me.
My whole life was this building. Or at least it was, until someone left and took a piece of me with them. I had to find her. I had to fix things. And the first way to do that was to acknowledge her. Our baby.
I took a deep breath and let out the secret I had been clinging to. “I’m taking a family day.”
The room went deathly still as everyone looked at me in surprise, their mouths open as they processed what I was saying. I wanted to bolt, but I stayed put. I needed to do this. To face what I was so afraid of.
“It’s true what you heard. What you’ve emailed about,” I said as I brushed the lapels of my navy suit uncomfortably. “Sadie and I are having a baby…”
I saw a few eyes widen, but tried to ignore the surprised stares that bore in to me.
“And if anyone has a problem with that, you can leave,” I said, narrowing my gaze at each and every one of them.
