“Come! Sit!” Erica said to us, watching her husband go with a look of love. She led us to the living room where we all plopped down on the plush couch, as dusk settled in the large windows behind us.
Gabriella excitedly told us all about the apartment she had found online and how surprised she was able to get it in this market. It was a sooner move than she had anticipated, but she had to jump on the place. She had flown in to check it out for a quick weekend trip.
“So, how is the apartment?” I asked.
“Well, I haven’t gone to see it yet. I wanted to come here first to check on you,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder.
“Gabriella! You didn’t have to do that,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Of course I did. You’re my best friend.” She glanced at Erica. “You, too. Also, can I possibly crash here tonight? I don’t technically have a place yet.”
Erica laughed. “Of course, you can. We can have a slumber party!”
We spent the next hour making a large bed of blankets on the plush living room rug, surrounding ourselves with pillows. Erica ordered in some Chinese takeout and we all changed into our pajamas before having a feast on the floor. Being with my friends almost made me forget about Jeremiah.
Almost.
As Gabriella slurped down a noodle from her takeout carton of Lo Mein, she looked to me. “How are you, girl? After everything that went down yesterday…”
I had sent her a clip of Jeremiah’s interview to which she replied with vulgar emojis, before I told her I had moved out.
“I’m hanging in there,” I said, reaching for an egg roll and taking a bite, the crunch filling my ears.
“What are you going to do now? With the baby and all?” she asked.
“I’ll just have to figure it out.” I shrugged. “On my own…” I added quietly.
I looked around the beautiful penthouse that wasn’t really my home. I had nowhere to go. No job. I suddenly felt a wash of helplessness. I stifled a sob, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth.
“Hey now,” said Erica softly as she scooched in closer, Gabriella closing in on my other side. They wrapped their arms around me as I cried for what felt like the zillionth time. This was getting old. My damn rollercoaster of hormones wasn’t helping either.
“I don’t want to do it alone,” I said. “I wanted to do it withhim.”I couldn’t even bring myself to say Jeremiah’s name out loud.
“I just don’t think he will ever be the man that I need him to be. Or deserve. I’ve already done the whole shitty boyfriend thing. Like, I can’t believe I’m back here again. Except, this time with a baby. I can’t let my choices trickle down to him or her.” I placed my hand on my stomach. “I need to make sure I choose someone who knows how to be a good father or is at least willing to try with everything he has. If that can’t be Jeremiah, then I’ll just have to be alone…”
“You’re not alone,” reassured Gabriella as she put her hand over mine and stroked it with her thumb.
I gave her a weak smile. “You guys never even met him…” I scoffed. “I saw so much good in him. He’s honest to a fault, not realizing how it could sometimes hurt me. Or others around him. He works so hard. Too much, but I love it about him. He’s resilient. The stuff he’s been through…” I shook my head, thinking about everything that had happened when he waspractically homeless. It was no wonder he was broken. I just wished I had the strength to fix him, but it wasn’t up to me.
“He’s strong. Courageous. He’s everything I wish I was…” I said. “In a perfect world, we balance each other out.”
“But you also fight…like all the time,” said Erica weakly.
“I know,” I whispered.
I hated that the two people closest to me never got a chance to see what I saw in him. They were just there to pick up the pieces.
I looked down at my stomach, cradling it gently as my friends’ hands held it too.
“This little one deserves better,” I murmured.
“You deserve to be happy, too,” said Gabriella.
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I know.” I clicked my tongue. “I will be. In time. I just need to buckle down and get my life together. I need to find a job. I need to pay off my debt. I need to find an apartment.” I held up my hands and began raising a finger for each task.
“You can live with me,” said Gabriella. “If this apartment pans out, I’ll be here in two weeks.”
“I couldn’t…”
