Good point.
I’ve been calling the shots lately, doing what I feel is right or simply what I need. Why would I stop now, if this is how I really feel? I’m going in, blinded by love.
I move my hand around the bed, trying to find Bruno’s warm body. But I only meet the cold sheets.
I open my eyes wide and find myself alone in this huge room.
“Bruno?” I say out loud.
No answer.
Where did he go?
I step out of bed, put some clothes over my naked body and start walking around the house, looking for him. I want to give him my answer. I want him to know that I love him. I’m afraid. I was always afraid my entire life. But this is a new kind of fear. I’m afraid I might be rejected— something I never feared before. This new fear comes with anxiety.
“Bruno?” I open the gym door— he’s not here. I walk towards the dining room, then the kitchen, and finally the backyard. No sign of Bruno or anybody else, but me.
Where did he go?
There’s that odd feeling again.
I sit at the kitchen table to wait for him.Why am I nervous?Last night was terrific, lots of passion and romanticism. I saw a Bruno I’d never seen before. I’m dying to dive into his arms and scream out loud all the things I’m feeling.
But something feels off, it’s like a premonition. I never believed in them.
I notice a sealed envelope sitting on top of the table. It has my name on it. A shiver runs down my spine.
Sarah,
Asad is dead. This time for good. I saw the light in his eyes disappear, his lifeless body sat in front of me. I give you my word. You are free from him… you are free from me… I made sure the authorities were notified. There’s no need for you to have a security detail with you anymore.
I’m sure you already noticed that I’m not around. And by the time you read this, I’ll be out of the country for sure. I’m sorry I left like this, but it was necessary. Something came up… something important, very important. And I must deal with this on my own. This is for the best. I hate goodbyes and I’d also hate to see the disappointment on your face. I’d rather keep the sweet memory of you, sleeping on my bed. (By the way, I took a photo… What!? You know I have a stalker side.)
I wish you a wonderful life, full of joy, just like I always pictured for you. I hope you find a man who loves you as much as I do. And perhaps you will remember me as Bruno, and not your torturer. I know I will always remember you as Sarah, the love of my life.
You made my heart tick again. You and your blue eyes will always rule over my body and soul. Never forget that.
Don’t try to follow me, don’t do anything reckless. This is your chance to really start over, without any past burdens.
On the back of this letter, you’ll find your new bank account number, where I have deposited some money. That’s from me to you. Use it however you see fit, please.My house is yours to keep. You can sell it if you want to.
Every time a new dawn breaks, I will think of you.
Always yours,
Bruno.
My hands are shaking, just like the day I was taken. My eyes are closed tight, partly because I want to believe this is a bad dream and I have to wake up, partly because I don’t want to see my heart bleed out. It bleeds, yes, because every paragraph in this letter is a knife stabbed in me. All this happens while I remain completely silent, sitting, thinking, feeling and wondering.
Where the FUCK did he go?
This letter makes me realize that all the torture I endured is nothing compared to this. I’m not sure I’ll be able to come back from these… these…
Soul-crushing words.
I feel as if my limbs were ripped off from my body. I’m agitated, hyperventilating and getting lightheaded because of it. I’m sitting, but my body is incapable of keeping its balance. I need to hold on to something before I hit the ground.
Too late. I’m already on the ground.
