“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For bringing me here. You were right all along.”
“About what?”
“You told me that I would start to feel again. Only this time, it would be different.” I remain silent this time, trying to give her some space, so she can speak her mind freely. “Can I make a request?”
“Anything you want.”
“Let… let me kill him.” She turns to me as those words come out of her mouth. Her eyes are full of fire, her facial expression screams vengeance.
This isn’t good for her.
“Vengeance? Sarah, if you don’t control it, it will control you and your life forever. Every decision from that point forward will be dictated by it. I’m not saying no, I’m just saying it because nobody told me this when I needed to hear it. That being said, if that’s what you really want, I’ll let you do it gladly.” How could I have said no? If she thinks this is going to bring her peace, who am I to stand against it?
She steps forward and rests her forehead against my chest. I don’t want to move because I don’t want her to move away. She’s still crying, silently, intimately. Even if I hate seeing her cry, I’m privileged to share this sincere moment with her.
“Taking a life changes everything, Sarah,” I whisper in her ear. “There’s no turning back, you can’t undo it. Something inside you won’t be the same and can’t be healed or repaired. It will change you, and I don’t want you to change.”
“I won’t.”
We both know that’s a lie, but the thing is, when you really care about someone, you want to give them the world, even if it means trouble.
Chapter Twenty-One
The human inside this monster.
Sarah
Lying on a comfy bed, I’m still recapping the entire day. But two other things are taking most of my attention.
On one hand, there’s Bruno and his leap of faith in taking me to his secret place. The impact on my emotions was so big that I could barely breathe. The similarities with the place I always imagined when I was being held captive were uncanny. There was one thing I didn’t picture before —the view from the edge of the cliffs. That was… in-cre-di-ble. If you take every one of those feelings and sum them all up, as a result, you get me, thinking about Bruno and his angst towards the mission and all the other stuff that happened. That deep sensitive side of his had shown up and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Every second I spent with him there started to rewrite the bad memories of ‘Him,’ and something I’ve always dreaded began to happen. I started to fall for the human inside this monster, for his caring and vulnerable side. And, according to my overthought scenarios, I’d end up being a prey again.
“It’s astonishingly interesting to watch you stop blaming Bruno for all your misfortunes, and turn your anger towards Leon…”My brain throws those words in Dr. Gonzales’ voice. Even though I canceled our sessions, it seems that it will take much more than that to extract her from my mind. But she’s not my biggest concern right now— Leon is. And after I end him, Bruno will be on the receiving end of my hatred, just like I want to.
Want, or need? Believe it or not, it’s not so easy to hate him. I can see kindness in him. He tries very hard with me; his compassion touches my soul. I can see it in every action and every word he speaks, they humanize him. Yes, I know. How can I feel this way? Even after all that has been said and done in the past, I have no choice but to feel this way now, and to come to that conclusion I had to think about what he did. Bruno had a job, a mission, a duty. A very nasty one, but in this field duty and nasty tend to go together; and he performed that duty by the book, I can understand that. He took revenge on the people who hurt him at the first chance he had, just like I will when I get mine.
When the system fails, justice should prevail, even if that means you have to take her sword and wield it yourself. Now I understand it all, being in Bruno’s shoes made me realize the righteousness of revenge. The only difference is that he didn’t need me at all for his revenge, but I… I need him.
On the other hand, there’s also Bruno. But it’s his advice on killing Leon— revenge is like an open wound: once you get it done, it may not close, and it leaves this infinite pain. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to take that chance. I guess you can say I’m feeling a little insecure right now. Something tickles my cheek. I use one of my sleeves to make it go away, and I realize it was a single tear, sliding down my face, slowly mocking my current fragility.
Is this the person who’s going to kill someone? To commit murder? To impart justice onto another being?
I can’t be this fragile if I’m really going to go through this. I do want him dead! I want to be there when he takes his last breath. I want to see the light finally go out in his eyes. I want all that and more. I demand it! I… crave for it.
The day turned into night and I’m still lying on this bed in the dark. I should switch a light on, but I don’t want to ruin this perfect picture of me, revenge and death with some stupid table lamp.
Bruno is approaching, probably to tell me that dinner’s ready. When he does, I’m going to pretend to be asleep. It makes me feel guilty, but to be completely honest, I really don’t want to crawl out of bed right now. Diving into my misery feels more appealing, even if it sounds weird to you— just for a couple of hours.
“Pff. You can’t fool me, bitch. You don’t want to see him because you know your knees will bend, your eyes will cry and before you know it, wham! You’re at his mercy once again.”Life’s comment annoys me.
“Will you shut up for a change? You always act like a ‘basic bitch,’ treating me like I’m some kind of trash girl. But you’re the bully, you’re the trashy one,” I fire back.
“Well, well, well. The kitty’s got claws. It doesn’t matter, really. I will always be here, as long as your ass lives.”She’s despicable, but she has a point. I don’t really trust my body when it tells me it needs to feel… something, anything, even if it means to feel the soft touch of Bruno’s skin. When that happens, a jolt of electricity runs through my body. And if I give that free rein, it might end up badly.
I wonder how many girls he brought to this room before.
