“What happened? Why did we stop?” Those two questions are full of uncertainty. That’s a legitimate feeling, considering all I’ve done to her, and I get it, but it still hurts.
I look at her and say soothingly, “I want to show you something… Will you come with me? There’s no catch, I promise, nothing weird or crazy.”
“Do I have a choice?” That’s her favorite follow-up question lately. She must ask it to make herself sure she’s not under my command, control or watch. Therefore, she needs to know that she’s free. Because freedom of choice is what humans are all about.
“Yes, you do. If you don’t want to, I can always turn this car around and go back,” I answer pointing over my shoulder. She watches my face, exploring every inch in detail, trying to read an expression that can give her insight about my true intentions. But there’s nothing to be read, so she turns to the window, where there’s a dense body of pine trees hiding whatever’s beyond. Finally, she sighs.
“Okay, let’s go.”
When I step out of the car, I jog around it to her side and open the door for her. She thanks me, and I can’t really believe that after everything she’s been through, she still has manners towards me.
“Right this way,” I say while showing the way with my hand.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see she lags behind me, trying to create a gap between us. I want to believe it’s out of self-preservation, just in case I might try something, that gap will allow her to run in the opposite direction. Once again, I’m hurt that she doesn’t trust me that much, but at the same time I feel reassured that she can identify a situation where she might be exposed to danger and plan accordingly.
“What is this place?” I hear her voice ask. When I turn around, I see her studying the place, looking at the treetops and moving branches away with her delicate hands, feeling the different textures. She really likes nature.
She’s so fucking beautiful.
“When I was a kid…” I start to explain, “…I used to come to this place whenever I was in trouble and had to hide from my father. As a teenager I spent entire nights here, studying or reading. And now as an adult, I come here when I need to think.”
We finally reach what I call home. Nothing has changed since last I was here— the night before the mission started. That night I needed to be here.
The pine trees are lined up perfectly around a prairie filled with yellow flowers and grass so green, you’d think it’s fake. I walk towards the cliffs to admire the ocean. This is the best ocean view around here. I breathe in, filling my lungs with pure, clean air. Damn, I love this place. I look behind me searching for Sarah, only to find her frozen in place. Her face looks pale as if she had just seen a ghost. She’s hyperventilating. “Sarah?” I ask, but I don’t get a reaction from her. I approach her with caution. “What’s wrong?”
“I… I’m sure I…” She seems lost for words. “…know this place.”
What? Impossible.
“I used to dream of this place. Or at least someplace that looks exactly like this, you know. When I was being held captive.” She’s browsing her memories as we speak. It’s like I can see the images from her dreams through her eyes. She no longer looks frightened, but happy and relaxed. That only lasted a second. Her blue eyes are now filling up with tears as if a memory suddenly stole the joy she was starting to feel. She takes a few steps towards me and throws herself into my arms— not in a cute way. No, she’s holding onto me like a lifesaver at sea, and then turns her head up and looks towards the sky. She wants to see the sun, I know it. “Simply beautiful.” Her eyes have the same expression mine had the first time I came across this place.
“I know…” I reply while gazing at her. She looks back; our eyes meet. She blushes and heads towards the cliffs to sit near the ocean.
A couple of rocks and some pine logs make some sort of natural fence between the prairie and the ocean itself. The perfect spot to sit and relax. I sit opposite her to give her some space.
I’m thinking about giving her peace.
She’s looking at the view.
“What kind of problems could a little boy have, that he has to come to a place like this?”
“Well… I didn’t have the best of childhoods, and this place helped me cope with that.”
I only get a nod out of her, and no further questions, which I greatly appreciate.
Oh, man. I really missed this place.
The silence relaxes me— she relaxes me. I always thought this place was missing something and yet I came back time after time. Being here with her makes me realize that what I was missing was her company. Now I can say it’s complete.
Before my train of thought reaches the next rational station, she stands up and walks towards the cliffs, probably to get a better view. Now, my instinct up to this point would have made me jump in her direction to tackle her down before she jumps off. But before I can even start to execute on that principle, her voice pops inside my head saying, ‘You can’t think I’m going to hurt myself every time you turn around, Bruno.’ It was a valid point then and it’s a valid point now. So, I let her be.
Poor thing. I really can’t imagine how she feels right now. All those years of torment, of confinement and pain, are packed and weighing on her shoulders. Maybe she never thought she’d live to tell the story, that ‘that’ was it, only to be surprised once again by fate and regain her freedom, having to cope with a cruel and raw reality: the world is fucked up big time, her parents are gone, and I’m the only one she knows or can relate to. Weird, right? Now, think about it for a second— she can reflect on it because the person who left that place is not the same who entered it. Sarah buried Cassandra inside that cell a long time ago.
She’s a few feet away from me and I can only see the back of her head. The wind blows her cap away towards the cliffs. She jerks her arm forward trying to catch it but misses it. Before I realize it, I’m standing behind her to protect her, because even though I believe in her, I still have the need to protect her at all cost. As I make half a step forward, I glance at her. She doesn’t look sad or happy. Tears are flooding her face and she has the look of someone who’s making a decision.
“I’m sorry I lost your cap.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
