Fuck!
I lie down on bed again to try to sleep, but it’s impossible. Of course I can’t! My pulse is racing, my body is tense as fuck!
This fucking biker! Ugh!
Static blasts from the radio again and then Rage says. “You weren’t supposed to hear that. I forgot the mic was on.”
Fucking pervert! Like I’d believe it was a mistake.
“Well, to be completely honest you do like them pervert-ish, I mean Bruno isn’t a choir boy, and neither is Rage, so suck it up!”Life says what I am thinking out loud.
“Whatever! I just want to sleep, so keep it quiet.” But it really bothers me and my voice reveals it.
Rage laughs. “What’s the matter? You are not jealous, are you?”
I’m not going to engage.
“I mean it could’ve been you moaning with pleasure…”
I’m not going to engage.
“…but, you opted out…”
I’m not going to…
“You named your pet Sarah?” I yell, desperate. “You’ve got some nerve!” God, I’m so fucking angry! I get up and start pacing like a caged animal in this tiny cabin.
“What I do or don’t in my spare time isn’t your goddamned business.” No more laughs now. “You made your fucking choice when you boarded that plane. I don’t have to explain myself to you!”
“Oooooh.So that’s it? I didn’t want to fuck you, and you do this shit? Why did I have to listen to that shit at all? Did you think that would make me jealous, maybe even change my mind? You’re a fucking pig!”
“It wasn’t on purpose, but since we are being honest, I’ll tell you. I was fucking her so hard she pushed the radio button by mistake! Besides you know I… Fuck! Forget it!”
“You what? Go ahead, tell me!” Fury rises in my chest, heating my blood. I want to hit something or someone.
“All right. Do you think this is easy for me? I’m guiding you step by step to him. He left you, remember? I didn’t, I’m here helping you to get back to him, and for what? So he can abandon you again? And, I’m the pig?” He’s yelling, and I can fell his anger through the earpiece. A sound of glass shattering follows.
I draw a deep breath.
Damn it! I’m pissed.
Pissed, yes. Because he’s right.
Bruno left me and clearly didn’t want me to find him. I’ve taken Rage’s help for granted. Under his thick skin and behind the tough wall of attitude, he’s clearly a man with feelings, and I should be grateful that he let me in. So yeah, I’m pissed and hurt because, even if I don’t want to admit it, hearing that woman moaning made me so fucking jealous. I shouldn’t feel that way. I should feel nothing, but when it comes to Rage, things are…complicated.
I’ve questioned his integrity, but shouldn’t I question mine?
A tear runs down my cheek. I’m ashamed of my insensitivity toward him.
“Don’t cry, kiddo.” Rage is back to his old self.
He must’ve heard me sobbing.
“Why? Why are you still caring? I don’t deserve it.” I feel terrible.
“Let’s move past this. Let’s pretend it didn’t happen, all right?” He’s calm.
“How can I? I’ve behaved horribly, like a stupid bitch.” It’s true, this is not who I am anymore. So why am I acting like this? How much power does Rage have over me?
