"I know, but you have to understand.”
"I probably do, but that doesn't make it okay, Carter.”
He remains silent for a second or two then adds, "Come on, tell me, why did you go there?” He is calmer now.
"It is none of your business.” I breathe in and out, filling my lungs with much-needed air.
Count to ten, Sarah...
"Sarah.” He approaches me, but my eyes warn him not to take another step in my direction. He quickly stops, but keeps talking, though. “I don't want you to get in any trouble. You shouldn't be messing with those men. They won't protect you.”
"Is that what you think? That I want some sort of...protection? Are you that stupid, Carter? I decided to go there to get information, asshole! That's what I've been trying to do for years.”
"Information? About what? Who did you talk to?”
I slowly cross my arms. "Rage.” He looks puzzled, but I continue, “Who, by the way, gave me a lot of information in the matter of five minutes and was way more caring than you.” I take a step back from Carter, because I feel the need to punch him, and I'm not sure if I will be able to control myself.
"Rage? Who the fuck is Rage?”
“The man who rescued you that day.”
Carter’s face goes white as paper, and fear, anger and disbelief all flash in his eyes.
"You did what? And here I thought I was the stupid one! Why on Earth did you go to see that man? He's crazy, Sarah! You could be dead in a dark alley right now. What were you thinking?”
"I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl, but if you have to know, I’ll tell you. He explained what happened that night.” I’m obviously not going to tell him about our weird encounter.
"How can you trust him? He obviously provided shitty information to make sure you go come back to him! All he wants is for you to be his bitch!”
I get what he says, I understand his doubts, but I don’t agree. Rage could have killed me or let his men take turns with me. Instead, he showed me his human side. One I didn’t know he has.
"Where is Bruno?” I ask, tired.
"You know I can't tell you that Sarah. Please don't make me lie to you. Just stop asking.”
I go to him and push him. I'm going to lose it, and he’s not going to like it.
"I need to know!” I hit him once on the chest with my fist but he doesn't fight back. "I need to see him, please. Tell me where he is!”
He takes the beating like a punching bag, and his lack of defense and his commitment to take it makes me realize how loyal he is. That's the kind of feeling Bruno inspires, and it’s all I can take. It breaks me. My eyes fill with tears that I can no longer hold back. I am tired and desperate. I start to sob, crumpling into Carter's arms as he catches me.
"I'm really sorry Sarah, I really am, but he asked me not to tell you. It's for your own good, damn it. Please understand. I am sorry.”
I keep crying. Every word he says hurts. "I'm dying inside, Carter. Don't you understand what I'm feeling? He left just like that, and all I feel is the need to rip my heart out and throw it to the lions. I need to see him. I need him to look me in the eye and say he doesn't want me anymore. I promise if he does, I'll leave him alone and try to move on with my life.” I don't know what I'm saying. I can't move on without him. It’s not that simple, and just saying the words out loud feel horrible, though I'll say what I have to in order to see him.
He gazes at me with such sadness in his eyes, and I hate him for it. I don’t need his pity. Carter lets go of me, leaving me there, defeated and exhausted, as he goes to the kitchen then returns with a glass of water.
"Here, drink this,” he demands.
I take a small sip. He then grabs my hand and walks with me to the living room. Once we are there, we both sit on the edge of the couch.
"Does he ever ask about me?” I whisper. "Does he even care?”
"You know he does, and yes, he asks.”
I'm looking at him in disbelief.
“He knows you're okay, but he doesn't know the details. He specifically asked me to save them for myself. He says it's better that way. Congratulations on your graduation, by the way.” He sounds sincere, though his words surprise me.
