Bypassing the bedroom, I go quickly to the bathroom, bolting the door behind me. My limbs shaking, I turn on the cold tap, cup my hands under it and wet my face. It does nothing to cool me. My head screams, my stomach roils. What do I do? I hold on to the sink, my heart twisting in confusion and fear. But he wouldn’t hurt me. Hewouldn’t.
Would he? Desperation driving me, I pull open the bathroom cabinet, looking for anything I might defend myself with, and freeze. There on the shelf is a box of medication. Haloperidol. With trembling hands, I bring it out. I know before I scan it what the medication is used for and what the side effects are; that it’s an antipsychotic drug. There’s no patient name on the packet. Where did it come from? Whathasit been used for? I know the answer to that too. To drug me. Poison me. Kill me and make it look like fuckingsuicide.
Why leave them here for me to find? Now? Because he’s trying to drive me out of my mind. Anger rears up inside meand I snatch up my hair scissors. My stomach churns violently. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s the father of mybaby. I just want to leave, get out of here and go somewhere I can breathe.
Wiping away the tears that cascade down my face, I push the box of tablets into my pocket, clutch the scissors tightly, then turn to the door. Sliding the bolt back, I brace myself, then step out onto the landing. There’s no sound from downstairs. I peer over the balustrade. Seeing no sign of him, I go quickly to the stairs and hurry down them.
I’m almost at the front door when he speaks behind me. ‘Kara, where are you going?’
My heart lurching, I whirl around. ‘Stay back,’ I warn him, brandishing the scissors.
‘For fuck’s sake, Kara.’ He looks from them to my face, his expression horrified. ‘You can’t think I would hurt you?’
‘I need to go.’ I extend the scissors further, my arm shaking, my whole body trembling.
‘Kara,wait, please.’ He steps towards me.
‘Keep away!’ I sob, my eyes darting to the hall table for my phone and car keys. The keys aren’t there. He’s taken them. He must have. Quickly, I stuff my phone in my pocket and snatch up his car keys instead.
His face pales. ‘Jesus, Kara, you’re not seriously considering driving? There are weather warnings in place.’
‘Back away,’ I warn him, nodding towards the lounge beyond him.
‘Why are you doing this?’ he asks, his voice choked.
I say nothing, extracting the tablets from my pocket and slamming them on the table.
His expression uncomprehending, he glances at them and then quizzically back to me.
‘Someone’s been feeding me medication,’ I enlighten him, as if I need to. ‘I suppose you’re going to tell me that was Lina too.’
He shakes his head in confusion. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ he says. ‘Look, just come into the lounge and?—’
‘Getawayfrom me!’ I yell, as he tries again to approach me.
Shocked, he stops, then does as I ask, taking a few steps back.
‘Do not follow me,’ I warn him. ‘If you do, I swear to God I’ll call the police and tell them everything, do you hear?’
He nods, his face draining of colour.
I gauge him for a second and then whirl around to yank the front door open.
‘Kara!’ he shouts as I stumble out, the wind almost forcing me back as I race through the rain to the Land Rover.
Fumbling the key into the lock, I pull the door open, throwing myself into the driver’s seat and slamming the door behind me. Dropping the locks, I attempt to start it, but the engine only splutters and dies. ‘Come on. Comeon.’ I try again.
‘Kara!’ He catches the door handle as the car finally starts with a throaty groan, and bangs the flat of his hand against the side window. ‘For Christ’s sake, juststop, will you?’ he yells. ‘The tablets are Natalia’s. I have no idea what they’re doing here. Youhaveto listen to me!’
I turn to look at him. His face is tight, white, rain running down it in rivulets, his eyes thunderous as they drill into mine. Tearing my gaze away, I shove my foot down on the accelerator, gun the engine and career off the drive.
He doesn’t let go, hanging on as I pick up speed. My blood pumping, I push my foot down harder, and finally, I shake him off.
As I drive away, my heart thudding frantically against my ribcage, I glance at the rear-view mirror. He stands in the lane, a fist clenched at his side, his face furious, then spins around and races back to the house. He’s going for my car keys.
I push the accelerator to the floor.
FORTY-SEVEN
