She glanced distractedly at him.
‘You’re obviously worried about something.’
She answered with a small nod. ‘They think I have something called polycystic ovary syndrome,’ she said quietly.
Joe felt his heart skip a beat. ‘Which is?’
‘A condition where the ovaries are larger than normal. Something to do with hormonal problems, the doctor said. It’s, um …’ She stopped and fiddled with a ring on her finger. Her wedding ring? His heart missed another beat. ‘It’s known to be one of the leading causes of infertility apparently,’ she went on with a shrug, which belied the wobble he heard in her voice.
‘Infertility?’ he repeated, confused. ‘But …’
‘There’s also evidence to suggest it can lead to complications during pregnancy, if the ovaries manage to produce enough eggs for one to get lucky and get fertilised in the first place.’ She smiled – heart-wrenchingly sadly.
Joe tried to digest the information. ‘Jesus, Courtney. I’m sorry,’ he said, feeling gutted for her.
‘It’s okay.’ She drew in a breath and held it. ‘The pregnancy might have been managed if I’d known, but… it obviously wasn’t meant to be,’ she went on after a second, her voice quavering.
He watched helplessly as she drew in another shuddery breath and pressed her hands over her face, trying to hold back the tears, he guessed. He’d hated her a short while ago. Now he felt nothing but sympathy and devastation for her. She hadn’t wanted children, then found she was pregnant and realised she did, and now, by some cruel twist, she’d ended up losing the baby. She’d grieved the loss of him, clearly, and now she was grieving all over again.
He hesitated. What was he going to do, sit here and watch her cry? He couldn’t do that. Reaching out, he placed an arm around her shoulders and eased her to him.
‘You’re a good man, Joe,’ she said shakily as her sobs slowed. ‘I was selfish. I deserve all this after the awful things I did.’
‘No you don’t,’ he assured her, tugging in a tight breath of his own. He’d wished her all sorts – that the hotshot would be every bit the prat he obviously was and dump her – but he would never wish this on her.
‘You’re obviously very potent.’ She emitted a wry laugh as she straightened up and attempted to compose herself.
Joe declined to answer. He preferred not to think about the mechanics, what might have been, had he known.
‘I don’t suppose you, um …’ she started after a second, and then faltered.
‘What?’ He glanced at her warily.
‘Want to try again?’ She garbled it out. ‘For a child, I mean, you and me.’
Christ.Surely she wasn’t serious? There was no way. Joe groaned inside. What the hell was he supposed to say to that?
‘You wouldn’t have to stay with me if you didn’t want to,’ she added, as he agonised about how to answer without upsetting her further. ‘I’ve changed, obviously. I’m sure I could make you happy; try harder.’ She glanced at him hopefully.
Joe looked away.
‘You’re right, it’s a ludicrous idea.’ She laughed, but he could hear the hurt in her voice. ‘I thought I’d ask anyway, though, just in case … you know …’
‘Courtney …’ Joe struggled for something diplomatic to say. Telling her he simply didn’t love her, that he couldn’t envisage being with her any more than he could bringing a child into the world without being a hands-on father, would be too hurtful after all she’d just been through. ‘I’ve changed too,’ he opted for. ‘I’m …’
‘Seeing someone,’ she finished, a fatalistic edge to her tone.
He nodded. She knew he was.
‘The woman at the pub,’ she said reflectively. ‘Do you love her?’
‘Yes, I think I do,’ he replied honestly. He wished he’d told Sarah he did, that he hadn’t been such an unsympathetic idiot, jealous himself because he couldn’t seem to have a straightforward relationship without Steve stuck in the middle of it.
‘I should have a word with her, tell her you’re worth holding on to,’ Courtney said, with a hint of irony. ‘We should go. We’re taking up a car parking space. If you’re still on for lunch, that is? Don’t worry, I won’t try to take advantage and have my wicked way with you,’ she added jokingly as Joe wavered.
Wiping at her cheeks, she reached for her bag from the footwell. ‘Damn, no tissues,’ she cursed, delving into it.
Joe opened the glove box, extracting the wipes he kept in there and handing them to her.
