Laura nodded again, half-heartedly. ‘The tragedy is that his little boy witnessed it all,’ she went on, swiping away a tear. ‘I almost took him when I ran. I was so tempted.’ She locked her eyes on his, a turmoil of emotion therein, a flash of determination, but mostly humiliation and uncertainty. ‘I couldn’t, though, could I? I had no money, nowhere to go. He would have stopped at nothing to find me if I’d taken Liam too. Because he was his natural father – and a world-class convincing liar – I knew the police would believe him. I doubt I would have got far.’
‘I am so sorry, Laura.’ It was all he could offer. ‘You did nothing wrong, trust me. There isnothingwrong with you. Please don’t ever imagine there is. I wish you’d felt able to tell me.’
She swallowed. ‘I thought you would think I was weak.’
‘Weak?’ He studied her incredulously. ‘You found the courage to leave him. That’s possibly the bravest thing a person in your situation could do, knowing they had nowhere to go. You’re not weak, Laura. You’re a caring person. You probably gave him the benefit of the doubt in the first place because you are. Being caring is not weak. You’re strong.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘A survivor.’
She squeezed his hand back. ‘Will you tell Sarah? She’s obviously concerned for Ollie. You can’t blame her. I’d rather not go over it all again, though, you know …’
Steve did know: because she was embarrassed, because she thought she’d been weak, for fuck’s sake. Tugging in a breath, he composed himself. Then, ‘I’ll tell her,’ he assured her. Exactly what he would tell Sarah he didn’t elucidate, which would be to get her facts straight before making defamatory accusations, and to bloody well back off.
Thirty-One
Sarah
Watching TV but seeing nothing, Sarah leapt on her phone when it rang.Steve.Apprehension twisting inside her, she accepted the call.
‘He was abusive,’ he said without ceremony.
She buried a sigh. Laura had obviously spun him the same line as she had her. ‘I know,’ she answered, trying to hide her exasperation. ‘She told me she was in a controlling relationship, but she never mentioned she was married. She never once mentioned—’
‘He locked her in their fuckingbedroom,’ Steve growled over her. ‘Punished her if there was a speck of dust in the house, if she so much as glanced in the direction of another man. Is that controlling enough, do you think, to justify her getting the hell out?’
Sarah was too shell-shocked to speak for a second. ‘What about the boy?’ she asked, a whirl of confused emotion running through her: bewilderment, shame, anger … for Laura.
‘She wanted to take him. She couldn’t though, realistically, could she? He wasn’t hers. He told you she was dangerous.He’sthe dangerous fucker,’ Steve seethed, his language indicating how furious he was. ‘Can you imagine what he might have done if shehadtaken Liam and he’d caught up with her? What he would have told the police?’
‘I’m sorry,’ Sarah said weakly, feeling terrible, most definitely like the biggest bitch Laura had had the misfortune to meet. ‘Why didn’t she say …’ She stopped herself. She knew why Laura wouldn’t have admitted any of this. Because she would have been too embarrassed, ashamed probably that she’d allowed it to happen. If it were all true. A nagging little voice in her head reminded her they couldn’t know it was. That they had nothing but Laura’s word. But then wasn’t she herself doing now what many people did, which was precisely the reason women on the receiving end of such abusedidn’tsay – because they wouldn’t be believed? Because the recriminations from their abuser when they spoke out might be so much worse. Christopher Jameson hadn’t struck her as a kind man. He hadn’t been aggressive towards her, but she had felt his aggression under the surface. She’d thought his anger had been justified, though she hadn’t known why.
‘She was too ashamed to tell me. She blamed herself.’ Steve voiced her thoughts, compounding her guilt, which weighed like a stone in her chest. ‘This constant looking for reasons to not let her have anything to do with Ollie, it’s way over the top, Sarah. It has to stop. If you don’t want Ollie to come to this birthday thing she’s worked bloody hard to organise, then you tell him why. Okay?’
‘I’m sorry,’ she repeated. ‘I didn’t mean …’ Realising that Steve had ended the call, again, she trailed off.
‘Shit.’ Blinking back her tears, she glanced at the ceiling. She’d leapt to conclusions. She’d been ready to believe whatever Christopher Jameson had told her without question – because she’d wanted to, because she hadn’t wanted to like Laura. She’d misjudged her. She guessed she would have been working hard organising the garden party she’d decided to throw for Ollie. She’d probably cooked up all sorts of culinary delights, might even have baked him a cake. Sarah had even doubted her motives for that. Suddenly she didn’t feel very good about herself at all. Was she really the horrible, vindictive person Steve seemed to think she was? Ollie would have to go to the party. Of course he would. If he didn’t go now, after all that Laura had told Steve – and no doubt she was aware that Steve would pass it on to her – she would be destroyed. Sarah still didn’t feel easy about any of it, but she didn’t want to damage Laura’s confidence any more than it obviously already had been.
Had she badly misjudged Joe, too? she wondered now. She wasn’t sure it was possible to feel any more guilty, but she did.Washe back with his ex-wife? He seemed to think he needed to be there for her. Perhaps he did. Perhaps she should try being the generous person she’d imagined she was and try to support him while he was dealing with whatever he had to. Should she ring him? She was desperate to talk to him; just hearing his voice, she might not feel as lonely as she felt now. He might not be willing to talk to her, though, unless to tell her she’d been spiteful and judgemental – not that he would do that. She could always use the excuse that she was calling to ask him if he would like to come to Ollie’s garden party. She would, she decided, tomorrow. Calling him while she was feeling so emotional might only compromise him. He could only say no, after all. Her heart twisted painfully at the thought that he might.
Thirty-Two
Joe
‘All good?’ Joe asked worriedly as Courtney reappeared from the inner depths of the ultrasound department. He’d debated whether to go in with her – by anyone’s standards she’d treated him appallingly, but seeing how pale and worried she was, knowing how ill she’d been, and suffering on her own, he’d decided to leave the past where it belonged and be a friend to her. It wasn’t easy – she’d damaged his trust in women; he hadn’t quite realised that until he’d acknowledged his own jealousy, imagining that Sarah still had feelings for Steve – but he felt responsible, somehow, since the baby Courtney had lost had been his.
‘I’m not sure,’ she answered with a troubled frown.
He was immediately perturbed, particularly as he noticed her complexion was a shade paler.
‘Here, sit down.’ Instinctively he threaded an arm around her, nodding her towards a seat in the waiting area.
‘Thanks,’ she said weakly, ‘but do you mind if we go outside? I think I could do with some air.’
‘Of course. No problem.’ A sense of trepidation growing inside him, Joe took hold of her arm. She definitely didn’t look well. He hoped to God she hadn’t had bad news. ‘I’m on lates tonight. We could go for some lunch if you like?’
She smiled up at him as he pushed the door to the corridor open. ‘I’d like that.’
After helping her into the car, Joe climbed in himself, casting a concerned glance sideways at her as he did. She was quiet, appeared lost in her thoughts. Definitely troubled.
‘So,’ he said, taking a breath, ‘do you want to tell me what happened in there?’
