Perhaps her mind racing so feverishly that she felt she was going insane had its advantages. She was seeing things clearly now. Wasn’t she? Reminded that she was also seeing things during the day that belonged in her nightmares, cold fear settled like an icicle in her chest.Wasshe going mad?
When she went downstairs, she’d realised Jake had slipped off early. He hadn’t woken her, but he’d left her a note. Her heart had stopped beating when she’d found it propped against the kettle. And then squeezed painfully when she’d dared to read it:I’m sorry. I love you, was all it said.
Even having read those last three poignant words, she wondered now as she walked to work, late and not really caring, what it was that he was sorry for. How much would it suit him if he could claim that he couldn’t cope with any more? That it was her, his mad wife, who’d drivenhimaway? He’d get to keep his reputation intact then, wouldn’t he? If there was one thing she knew about Jake, it was that he couldn’t bear the thought of being likened to his father.
Approaching the village shop, she wondered again how Millie was. She’d sent a short text –Back later– which was at least something, but Emily knew that, in seeming to be interrogating her daughter, she’d destroyed any chance she might have had of getting her to open up. She was jolted from her thoughts as she heard two women chatting outside the shop.
‘I mean, all marriages have secrets, don’t they?’ Ally Jones, the owner of Evolution hairdresser’s, was saying.
‘Definitely.’ Leah Connolly, whom Emily knew to be in a bad marriage, sounded worried.
‘I’ve heard tales from my customers that would make your hair stand on end,’ Ally went on. ‘More than one or two of them are living in fear of the letter box flapping, I can tell you. They need to catch whoever is doing this before someone is seriously—’ She stopped, her gaze snapping to Emily as she approached.
Emily noted the nervous apprehension on Leah’s face as she too glanced in her direction. They were frightened, and had every reason to be. But … was itherthey were frightened of? Her stomach tightening, she mustered a smile and pushed on towards them, but both women hurriedly averted their gazes. Realising she would have to speak to them in order to access the shop, Emily lost her nerve, walking on instead to call into the grocery store for milk for the surgery.
Paying for the milk, she tried to engage Fred Jackson – who ran the store, and who was also looking at her warily – in conversation. ‘Will you be coming to Edward’s party?’ she asked him with forced jollity.
‘I’ll be there,’ he assured her, searching her eyes curiously as he plonked her change in her hand. ‘I reckon we all need to present a united front. Show this bugger who’s trying to split the community up they won’t succeed.’
‘My thoughts entirely.’ Emily smiled tightly. ‘See you there.’
‘Aye.’ Fred nodded, his expression still cautious as he looked her up and down.
Hardly able to breathe, Emily whirled around. She was about to step out of the store, but faltered and moved back. Sally was just a yard away outside. She was the absolute last person Emily wanted to run into. She would have to talk to her at some point – she couldn’t avoid her at work – but she needed to prepare herself. She didn’t particularly want to see Michael Jameson either. She didn’t think she could look him in the eye after what she’d witnessed him doing to Natasha. So what were the two of them deep in conversation about? ‘Jake Merriden needs to get to the bottom of this,’ she heard Michael say. ‘He needs to get the police involved, and fast.’
‘He will now,’ Sally replied, clearly privy to information Emily wasn’t. ‘Did you hear what happened to Jenny Wheeler?’
‘No.’ Michael’s face creased into a curious frown. ‘What’s that, then?’
Sally moved closer to him. ‘Overdose.’ She said it quietly, but Emily still thought it spiteful of her to gossip about it. Did she not realise how devastating it would be for Jenny to realise that her personal life had become everyone else’s business?
‘I’ll bet my bottom dollar that it has something to do with all these appalling letters being sent out,’ Sally went on. ‘Jake was distraught enough when he found out about poor Zoe. I’ve never seen him so furious. This will be the last straw.’ She paused, emitting an elongated sigh. ‘It’s Emily I’m concerned about. I’m sure Jake thinks it’s her, but she’s such a stickler about client confidentiality, I honestly can’t understand why he would.’
No, Emily couldn’t understand either – nor why Sally would provide Michael with fodder for gossip. No matter what Jake thought, Sally wasn’t above suspicion in Emily’s mind. She wouldn’t have thought it possible a short while ago, but now, aware of her secret relationship with her husband, her deceit, Emily thought she was capable of anything.
Waiting a minute to compose herself, she watched as Sally walked off, giving Michael, the man she’d condemned for being violent to his wife, a cheery wave as she went.
She hadn’t realised Edward was in the store until he slid an arm around her shoulders. ‘Take no notice, my lovely,’ he said, giving her a reassuring squeeze. ‘You know what they say: gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous.’
Reminded why she was organising his party and why she loved him so much, Emily managed a genuine smile, albeit a small one. Edward was the sort who lived by the idiom that if you hadn’t got anything good to say about a person, it was better to say nothing at all. She’d never heard him or Joyce utter a bad word about anyone. The man was a breath of fresh air. ‘I’m not sure they have anything to be jealous about, Edward.’ She leaned into him, needing his comforting arm around her for just a second longer.
‘Nonsense.’ Edward gave her another fatherly squeeze. ‘You’re an intelligent, competent woman, and extremely easy on the old eyes, if I may say so. I’m not sure you’ve looked in the mirror lately, but you should.’
This time she managed a whole smile. ‘You most certainly may,’ she said, turning to press a kiss to his weathered cheek. ‘You’re not so bad-looking yourself, ifImay say so.’
Edward chuckled. ‘I’ll tell Joyce you think so. She’ll be mad with jealousy. Go on,’ he said, nodding her towards the surgery. ‘That husband of yours will be lost without you.’
Emily glanced down.Would he?
‘He won’t know whether he’s coming or going.’ As if reading her mind, Edward chivvied her on. ‘He’s a good man, Emily,’ he added more seriously, causing Emily’s heart to catch. ‘It seems there’s someone intent on splitting couples up. Don’t let them do that to you and Jake, hey? You’re stronger than that.’
Tears filling her eyes, Emily blinked them back hard. She didn’t feel very strong right now. She wanted to fight, but didn’t know how when she wasn’t sure who the enemy was. ‘I won’t,’ she promised him anyway, giving him a tight hug. ‘Thanks, Ed. Give Joyce my love. Tell her I’ll pop in and see her soon.’
‘I’ll make sure to. She’ll look forward to talking to someone with half a brain.’
‘Only half?’ Emily laughed, and headed onwards to the surgery, feeling buoyed up and more determined. To do what, she wasn’t sure, but she couldn’t just give up on her marriage, on Jake. He’d once jokingly accused her of being a glutton for punishment, sticking with him when she hardly saw anything of him. Maybe she was, but wasn’t that what she’d vowed to do, stick with him for better or worse? This was about as bad as it could get, admittedly, but she couldn’t just roll over. As tired and confused as she was, she had to fight. She hated Jake for the things he’d said and the things she imagined he was doing, so graphically that sometimes she could feel her heart breaking. Yet she loved him – she loved the caring Jake she knew him to be.
Going into reception, she stowed her bag under her desk, mouthed an apology to Nicky, who was on the phone, then headed to the kitchen with the milk. Her mood deflated in an instant as she heard Fran’s unmistakable tones drifting out.
