She’d been nervous the first time they’d gone out. He hadn’t realised how nervous until he’d attempted to kiss her goodnight. He’d been feeling guilty, his mind still on the first woman he’d ever made meaningful love with. Kim had flinched, and then blushed furiously. ‘It’s not you, Josh. It’s me,’ she’d said quickly, as he’d mumbled an apology. ‘I haven’t been out with anyone since… You know.’ It was obviously too much too soon. He’d been relieved to a degree. It was probably better for both of them to take things slowly rather than rush into a physical relationship, which Kim clearly wasn’t ready for.
‘So what will you do with your weekend?’ she asked him now.
‘Not much on Saturday,’ he said. ‘I’m canoeing on Sunday with my stepdad.’
Kim squeezed her arm tighter around his waist. ‘He sounds really nice. You must get on well.’
‘He is, and we do,’ Josh said. ‘Adam’s a good bloke. Caring, you know? Genuinely, I mean. He’d do anything for anybody if he thought they were worth the effort. There was this one time when we walked past a homeless woman in the street and he saw she hadn’t got much to keep her warm, so he went into the twenty-four-hour supermarket and bought her a sleeping bag.’
Kim looked impressed. ‘What a lovely thing to do. Not many people would go to that effort, even if they could afford it. He sounds like my kind of guy.’
‘Yeah. That’s just the way he is.’ Selfless, his mother had once called him, saying that was why she loved him. ‘He always looked out for me. Still does, really.’
‘Did they not have children together, your mum and Adam?’ Kim asked. ‘He’s clearly been such a great dad to you.’
‘No.’ Josh sighed, wishing that they had. At least then he wouldn’t have been his mother’s centre of attention. She’d told him often as a kid that he was her whole world. It was just what mothers did, he guessed, but it was a lot to live up to. ‘They tried. Adam would have loved to have kids of his own, and I know Mum wanted another baby, but… she miscarried. It broke their hearts. I guess they accepted it wasn’t going to happen after a while.’
‘Oh God, that’s awful,’ Kim commiserated, slowing her pace as they walked across the bridge. ‘For your mum and for Adam. He must really be a special kind of guy.’
‘Yeah. He is. Mum’s been unwell recently and he’s been there for her. I suppose I should go and see her,’ he added, feeling guilty. At least now he no longer lived there, she wouldn’t be able to bang on at him about clearing up after himself. He sighed. He still wasn’t sure how the argument had escalated so quickly. She’d seemed furious with him, and he just didn’t get why. The medication, he supposed, looking back.
‘I could come with you if you like,’ Kim offered. ‘If you want some company, I mean.’
Josh glanced at her. ‘Maybe.’ He smiled. He wasn’t sure he was ready to take a girl home to meet his mother. He wasn’t even sure he and Kim were leading anywhere. ‘Like I say, she hasn’t been well. Things weren’t great between us when I left. I should probably meet up with her on my own, see how the land lies.’
‘Can you not just pop round?’ Kim asked, eyeing him curiously.
‘I could,’ Josh considered, and then decided against it. ‘It might be better to meet on neutral territory, though.’
‘Oh dear. It sounds as if things really are bad,’ Kim said sympathetically.
‘No.’ Josh shook his head. ‘Not really. I just don’t want to do anything to make the situation worse. She, er, gets a bit neurotic about mess in the house. Or she did. It was probably due to her illness, but…’
‘It caused a rift between you,’ Kim surmised.
‘And some,’ Josh sighed. ‘We’ll work it out.’ They might, if he acted like an adult and made an effort to get in touch.
‘You will. You love her.’ Kim gave his waist another squeeze.
‘She’s my mother.’ Josh smiled.
As they neared the middle of the bridge, Kim turned to look over the river. ‘Love’s a powerful thing,’ she said. ‘It can inspire us, drive us to create great works of art. It can also drive us to acts of despair when it’s the wrong kind. You know, obsessive love, or unrequited love.’
Josh arched an eyebrow, impressed. ‘Very poetic.’
Kim smiled. Holding her gaze, he saw the blush that came whenever she felt embarrassed. She was very pretty, particularly when she smiled. She seemed more relaxed, less… brittle. He wasn’t sure why that word sprang to mind; perhaps it was that she was someone who had to be handled carefully. He reprimanded himself. Of course she was. And he knew why.
‘It’s true, though,’ she went on, turning back to the water. ‘How many murders are committed by some spurned lover driven mad by despair? It happens, as I well know. I shudder to think how close I came to being a statistic.’
Anger tightened Josh’s chest. ‘He’s out of your life now,’ he said softly, reaching an arm around her shoulders and easing her closer. He would never get how some twisted individuals could do what that bastard had done to her.
Kim rested her head on his shoulder as they looked out across the water. The tide was high. The river was close to flooding, but it was beautiful, the lights from the buildings on the bank dancing on the water.
‘Romantic, isn’t it?’ she murmured.
‘Definitely.’
‘Can I ask you something?’
