Josh glanced over his shoulder and then looked back at her. She wanted to speak in private, he guessed. He was tempted to walk away, but there was something in her eyes. Desperation, almost. Also, Adam had always told him that walking away from a problem rarely solved it.
Giving Kim a short nod, he led the way along the platform. He hoped it was good, this explanation, because he couldn’t think of any plausible reason for her lie.
He stopped and turned to face her. ‘How’s the ankle?’ Had she lied about that too? he pondered, and then pulled himself up. He was getting paranoid. She obviously did have problems. He just wished to God he hadn’t invited them into his life.
‘It’s fine. As good as new now,’ she said awkwardly. ‘Look, Josh, I just want to tell you I’m sorry. I like you. I like you a lot. You’re obviously a nice guy, and I didn’t mean—’
‘Right.’ Josh laughed cynically. ‘Not a nutter you need to avoid then.’
‘No,’ she said forcefully. ‘I don’t think that, I promise you. I don’t know why I…’ Stopping, she glanced skywards, pulling in a long breath before looking back at him. ‘My ex-boyfriend, I think I mentioned he was a stalker. He was also abusive, in ways it’s hard to imagine if you’re not on the receiving end. He wouldn’t leave me alone, no matter how hard I tried to tell him it was over.’
Josh shook his head. Was he really supposed to buy this? Whatever her ex was – and he was starting to think he should take everything with a pinch of salt – it wasn’t whathewas. Nor was he even her boyfriend, for Christ’s sake.
‘I know you have your reasons to doubt me, Josh, but I swear to God it’s the truth. He followed me everywhere: to work, when I went out. He would follow me home. Every single night I would look out of my bedroom window and he would just be standing there, gazing up at me. He would put notes through my door, ring me at all hours, I stopped answering my landline in the end. He even broke into my house… while I was inbed.Have you any idea how that feels? Realising that someone who means you harm has been watching you while you’re sleeping?’
Josh narrowed his eyes.Wasthis bullshit? He’d been sceptical, with good reason, but seeing the fear in her eyes, he was thinking she might be telling the truth. ‘Did you report him?’ he asked. ‘Surely the police could have done something?’
‘Three times. And three times they let him go “under investigation”. And every time they did, he came back more aggressive than the last time. He meant to get me. He was biding his time. Getting a kick out of the fact that I knew that.’
Josh’s gut tightened. ‘And the police didnothing?’
‘Not until he attacked me so violently he knocked me unconscious, no,’ she said, her voice quavering.
Josh’s heart jolted. ‘Unconscious?’
She paused, looking away. ‘He raped me,’ she whispered, her cheeks blazing with humiliation.
Josh stared hard at her, shocked to the core. ‘Jesus Christ,’ he muttered, swallowing back a sick taste in his throat. Unsure what to do, he watched helplessly as a slow tear slid down her face.
‘I swore I would never,evergive my address to a man I went out with again,’ she said, fixing her gaze back on him. Josh could see the determination in her eyes, as if she’d resolved not to let what that bastardhad done to her defeat her. ‘As it happens, I’m obviously so vile – as my ex frequently pointed out – that you had no inclination of asking me out anyway. But I just wanted to say I’m sorry,’ she repeated shakily. ‘You didn’t deserve that. I was just… scared of letting my guard down, I suppose.’
Josh didn’t know what to say. He felt sofuckingangry. Anger he had no idea what to do with. He wanted to reach out and hold her. Comfort her in some way. But how could he, without invading her space when she would undoubtedly be feeling vulnerable? ‘You’re not vile, Kim,’ he assured her. ‘You’re pretty, intelligent, funny. Don’t give him the satisfaction of feeling bad about yourself. I didn’t understand – obviously I couldn’t have – but I promise you there’s nothing you have to apologise for.’
Her expression uncertain, she scrutinised him thoughtfully. ‘Did I mention you’re a nice person, Josh Colby?’ she said, her mouth curving into a small smile.
‘Yeah.’ Running a hand over his neck, Josh smiled ruefully. He only wished the woman he’d given his heart and bared his soul to thought that. ‘So wheredoyou live then – without giving me exact details.’
‘With a friend,’ Kim said. ‘Just for a while. I’m hoping to get my own place soon. I shouldn’t have lied, but… I panicked. It’s not easy to explain, and I prefer not to if I don’t have to.’
‘I get it, Kim,’ Josh assured her. ‘We’re all good, honestly.’
She nodded with a smile of relief. Josh hoped she realised there were people she could confide in. She shouldn’t keep all this bottled up. ‘And your sister?’ he asked.
‘She’s in Wales. She moved there to be with the man of her dreams,’ Kim said with a wistful sigh. ‘They’re living happily ever after shearing sheep together.’
Conjuring up an image of the happy couple gazing doe-eyed at each other over their flock, Josh smiled. ‘Might have been a bit expensive in a taxi,’ he joked.
A flicker of guilt crossed her face. Then, seeing his expression, she laughed. A laugh that turned into a sob that caught in her throat. And then another, which shook through her body. What was he going to do, stand by and watch while her heart broke?
The train came into the station as he held her. She made no attempt to move away. Saying nothing, guessing it might be therapeutic for her to cry her tears out, he waited until her sobs slowed. ‘About that date I didn’t ask you on,’ he said softly. ‘It’s not that I wouldn’t have liked to. I was trying to do the right thing, that was all.’
She looked up at him, her wide green eyes awash with tears. ‘Because you didn’t think you were ready for another relationship?’
‘That’s right.’ Josh nodded, now feeling incredibly guilty. He’d led her on, given her reason to think this might be going somewhere. He wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, but… Would it change anything? If he denied himself the company of other women, would it make the one he’d imagined he might have a future with see him in a different light? At least have some contact with him? Josh had hoped, but now he very much doubted it.
‘I didn’t, but…’ He hesitated, and prayed she wouldn’t think he was doing this out of pity. ‘I would hate it if you thought I was asking for any other reason than that I like you, but… would you do me the honour of going out with me? For a meal? Or to see a film maybe?’
She searched his eyes. ‘Such a gentleman,’ she said, a smile lighting her own. ‘I’d like that.’ She nestled back into him. ‘Very much.’
