‘Whoa, hold on. Give yourself a second.’ Jason reached out to help as, her eyes springing wide, she attempted to scramble up.
Karla relaxed a little when she realised it was him, gazing around as if not quite sure where she was. ‘I’m all right,’ she said.
Jason very much doubted that. She looked disorientated, out of it. ‘What are you doing here, Karla?’ he asked her, feeling sick to his gut that he was the cause of this.
Karla laughed – a small, defeated laugh. ‘I live here,’ she reminded him. ‘I went to check on the children, and… I don’t know. I sat down. I must have dozed off.’
On the hall floor? Because she’d drunk too much, Jason deduced, feeling her pain, her utter bewilderment. He wished he could communicate that much to her. That he felt it, too. That he always would.
‘Did you not recognise me?’ Karla added, with a heart-wrenching smile.
Jason swallowed. He guessed she was referring to her hair, which she’d worn sweeping her shoulders not so long ago. Jason tried not to recall the soft, silky feel of it, how he’d never been able to resist twining it around his hands as they made sweet love together. Now it was short, and dyed a striking auburn. It suited her face. She had beautiful bone structure, high cheekbones; she was perfect. He couldn’t help feeling that this new look just wasn’t her though.
Karla’s fingers went to the nape of her neck. ‘It’s temporary, the hair colour – comb in and wash out,’ she said, as if reading his mind. She’d always been pretty shrewd at that.
‘I gathered.’ Jason’s mouth twitched into a smile. ‘It’s run a bit.’ He nodded towards her neck; resisted reaching to wipe the tell-tale drip of watery auburn away.
‘Ah.’ Karla touched her fingers to it. ‘I went walking in the rain,’ she said. Noting the immense sadness in her eyes, Jason looked away. He had to. His mind had immediately gone to Jessie and the comment she’d made about romantic walks in the rain.
Looking back to Karla, his gaze strayed to her hand, now resting at the soft hollow of her neck. Her ring finger was bare, he noticed. He simply couldn’t allow his mind to go there. ‘You broke a nail,’ he said throatily.
Her expression surprised, Karla turned the back of her hand towards her face, going slightly cross-eyed as she examined it. ‘Oh,’ she said, and shrugged. ‘Not to worry. It’s just another little piece of me.’
Jason drew in a breath. It stopped short of his chest. ‘You need to lie down,’ he said, carefully threading an arm around her.
‘There are many pieces, you know, that make up the whole of me,’ Karla went on, allowing him to ease her to her feet.
‘I know.’ Jason nodded. He did know. The carefree side of her, the woman who would let go of her worries and mesmerise people on the dance floor – she’d lost that part of herself because of him.
‘Does she have nice hair?’ Karla asked him, as he attempted to help her towards the stairs.
‘Who?’ he asked.
‘Jessie, your girlfriend.’
Jason stopped walking.
‘I like her belly button piercing.’
Jesus.Jason’s heart dropped like a stone.
Thirty-Five
KARLA
My heart beats erratically in a combination of fear and curiosity as I wait for Jason’s reaction to my announcement that I’ve looked at his phone; that I know about her.She’s fake, I want to scream.Can’t you see that this is a woman presenting what she imagines men want?Is this woman, with her fake tan and body piercings, what Jason really wants? My heart thrums faster. Light-headed with nausea and nerves, I feel the floor shift beneath me.
Jason’s eyes are agonised, his expression somewhere between deep shame and anger. ‘Christ,’ he utters, eventually, and slips his arm from around me.
Butwhois he angry with, I wonder, tears springing to my eyes. Me?Why?I made a mistake; I pressurised him. I didn’t trust him. Sided with my deplorable father against him. I’m deeply ashamed, but was it really that bad? Was anything I did ever really that bad? Because if it was, then I must be completely insensitive, because I don’tremembermyself that way.
‘She’s obviously the confident sort, flaunting her body jewellery like that,’ I say, my own anger rising as I bite the tears back. ‘But then, perhaps she hasn’t had her confidence crushed by a man too cowardly to tell her the truth!’
Jason looks away. ‘We should talk about this later, Karla,’ he says, uncomfortably. ‘Not now.’
‘Yes,now,’ I demand, as he moves away. ‘Does that do it for you, Jason?’ I follow him, catching his arm and commanding his attention. ‘Fantasising about what you’re going to do to her when she sends you her teasing little photos, does that do it for you?’
Jason looks ill, so very tired, but still I can’t curtail the fury festering inside me. Because I’mhurting. Can’t he see that?
