‘It’s just, when Josh acts like a little kid, and I get a bit stroppy,’ Holly went on awkwardly, ‘she might not think we are, and…’ She trailed off with a disconsolate shrug. ‘Would you tell her?’
She was eleven. Josh was ten.Jesus.Jason sucked in a breath. ‘I will,’ he promised, and then reached out to her, yanking her close as she launched herself into his arms.
‘We’re your friends, as well, Dad,’ Holly said into his shoulder, her voice muffled, as he crouched to give her a firm hug.
‘I know, sweetheart,’ Jason said, his throat hoarse. ‘We both love you very much. You know that, right?’ Such a fucking cliché, he thought, swiping a tear from his face and then hugging her tighter.
Half an hour later, with Holly and Josh safely in bed, Jason went back to the kitchen. It was a mess. Stuff everywhere, the washing basket and bin overflowing, yesterday’s dinner plates stacked in the sink. The dishwasher still wasn’t working properly. It was on his list, but he hadn’t got around to it yet. It wasn’t Karla’s job to clean up during the week, but she always had. Jason wondered how she’d done it. How she hadn’t come to the end of her tether – juggling her job, the house and the children; lunches, school runs, sick days, holidays. He’d always helped on Sundays with general housework, gardening and shopping, but with him working all the hours under the sun on weekdays, the load had fallen on Karla. He hadn’t realised how heavy a load it was.
He was stuffing clothes in the washing machine when his phone beeped. Scrambling it from his pocket, he cursed as he almost dropped it, and then checked his messages. Jessie.Jason felt his spirits lift. Banging the washing machine door to, he read the message on his way back to the sink to tackle the washing up, and then stopped and raised his eyebrows in bemusement.
I’ve had a body piercing,he read.Fancy a gander?
Will I be shocked?Jason sent back.
Don’t worry. It’s not a nipple piercing.
Taken aback, Jason hesitated before answering, then,Pity, he typed.
Sex wasn’t foremost in his mind. He wondered if it would ever be, given that his thoughts were constantly on Karla, on what they’d lost, which not so long ago, had been pretty special. Even knowing that Karla and he could never be together again, he felt guilty. He should be giving her time to move on without him before doing this. Except he needed it – someone in his life when there was no one else; someone who was easy to talk to and didn’t make demands he couldn’t live up to.
Bad boy,Jessie sent swiftly back, along with an attachment.
Viewing the photo of her torso, Jason’s mouth curved into an appreciative smile, his own body responding to what was an undeniably erotic image, despite his conflicting emotions. What was it about the soft curve of a woman’s stomach and hips that was such a turn on? His mind strayed to where it possibly shouldn’t as he took in the jewellery adorning her navel.
A second later his phone rang. ‘So what do you think?’ Jessie asked him.
‘Sexy,’ Jason replied honestly. ‘Why an anchor?’
‘To keep me grounded, in case my fantasies run away with me. They’re all about you, obviously,’ Jessie said, a teasing edge to her voice.
Jason laughed, realising that that was why he could talk to her: because the conversation never got too heavy. She was aware the kids were struggling. He’d told her that much. She’d been empathetic, rather than just making the right noises.I get it,she’d written.If you put yourself in their shoes, it’s easy to imagine how hard this must be.That had meant something to Jason, that she was a sensitive enough person to imagine herself in their position. Jason couldn’t avoid doing the same; his own childhood had been spent dodging the crossfire between his adoptive parents.
‘So, did it take your mind off your problems?’ she asked.
‘It provided a pleasurable distraction,’ Jason assured her.
‘Good.’ She paused. ‘You’re on your own, I take it?’
Jason drew in a long breath. ‘I am,’ he said.
Jessie clearly heard the tension in his tone. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not about to propose phone sex,’ she quipped. ‘I just presumed you were, since you’re talking to me.’
‘Right assumption,’ he said, with a sigh.
‘And you’ve no idea where she is, your wife?’
‘None.’ Jason acknowledged the pang of jealousy he felt as he wondered whether Karla might be with another man. She was entitled to be, but still, the thought hurt like hell. The thought that she might be involved with someone who didn’t give a shit about her caused his gut to clench. There was no point asking her. The answer was always the same: it was none of his business.
‘And you’re worried?’
Jason hesitated, torn now between guilt that he was talking about Karla to Jessie and guilt that he was burdening Jessie with his marital problems.
‘Don’t beat yourself up. I get it. It wouldn’t be normal not to be, would it?’ Jessie said, picking up on that, too. ‘Although I must admit I’m amazed you care, after whatever awful thing she did that broke up your marriage.’
‘She didn’t,’ Jason clarified quickly, concerned that he’d given Jessie the wrong idea. Whatever was happening between them, he would never rubbish Karla in anyone’s eyes. He couldn’t. ‘It wasn’t anything she did. Not knowingly, anyway.’
He paused. He couldn’t say too much without sharing things that would devastate Karla. ‘It’s historical, something that was beyond her control,’ he said, and left it at that.
