CHAPTER 57
Phoebe
Day 8
December 24
Christmas Eve
I sit on my art stool in a ray of late afternoon sunshine, my heavyweight mixed media paper spread out in front of me on the art table.My dogs Rosie and Sasha are at my feet and my cat Lula is curled up in the windowsill.
I’m listening to Christmas carols on my music app.
The hospital is forcing me to take a month’s leave of absence, which I fought at first.But now I think I might enjoy it.It will give me a chance to get my feet under me again.
In many ways, it’s good to be home.In other ways, I feel that my surroundings no longer fit me quite right.Which makes sense.
I’m not the same woman who left here to drop off supplies for Jeb and Louise a week ago.I’m more comfortable in my own skin.I’m happier.I want and expect more from myself and from life.I’ve discovered the healing properties of cursing.
And I’m in love.
Evander hasn’t called me here at the ranch, and he hasn’t stopped by.I’m not too worried about either of these things.I know he’s giving me space to be with my dad and smooth things over with my brothers.And I appreciate it.
When I start to second guess why he’s there and I’m here and we’re not together, I remember what he’s promised me.I remember the way he told me that he loves me, and nothing will ever change that.
How he walked over to me while I stood on the hospital bed, losing my shit, and told everyone how resourceful and brave I am.How he was lucky to have found me to help him survive the blizzard, and that we worked together to get through it.
I remember the warmth of his hand on mine, and how he squeezed my fingers reassuringly before he left.
I miss him terribly.But I know it’s not forever and we’ll figure it out.
In the meantime, my dad is stable, and I’ve spent a lot of time with him the last few days.I’ve read to him.I told him a less-than-terrifying version of how Evander saved my life and the drama of the helicopter rescue.He listened intently, nodding and resting his hand in mine.
Never once did he say anything unkind about the MacLaines.I don’t recall that he ever has, but I was grateful that he simply listened.
Tonight is Christmas Eve, and Daddy said he feels well enough to join us at the downstairs dining table for dinner, which is the best Christmas present I could ask for.I spent the morning helping Mama prepare for dinner.It’s roast beef, twice-baked potatoes, green beans almondine, and all the other traditional side dishes our family has enjoyed since I can remember.
Rick and his little velvet box went back to Arizona yesterday,yes, sweet baby Cheez it!I thanked him for being there for my family, especially my dad.I gave him a friendly hug goodbye, wished him well, and waved as he drove down the ranch road.
Then I let go with a huge sigh of relief.
Rick certainly made an impression on my brothers, and after some long conversations, I understand that more than anything, they were enamored with the idea of their baby sister marrying a doctor.
It sounds so safe and stable, they told me.I think I managed to convince them that there’s nothing safe or stable about pretending to love someone when you don’t.
Kyle apologized for insisting that I let Rick state his case.Ryder said he was sorry for telling me what a nice guy Rick was.Bo said he regretted not locking Rick in a hospital utility closet when he had the chance.
And then there’s Jake.
I swear I won’t let him stop me from going to Finn and Emma’s wedding reception, even if I have to sneak out in the cover of darkness.I won’t let Jake stop me from having my moment.
My red velvet masterpiece will not hide its fabulousness in a closet, and the same goes for me.
But I’m still so angry with Jake that when I think about it, my hands shake and I end up screwing up the highlights in the portrait I’m working on.
It’s Evander, the third one I’ve started since I got home.This one is a black compressed charcoal image of him in his scruffy, wild-man state, his eyes intense but calm.
I like this one.It’s actually not bad.
