He curls his toes against my outer thigh. The friction makes the hairs on my leg stand on end. I don’t move. It takes me a second to work out whether he meant to do it or not. I think maybe he did.
“What about you?” he asks.
“I guess Gould and I have something in common after all.”
He looks over at me, giving me an easy smile and a little nod, before turning his head back to face the TV. He has no way of knowing how momentous this moment is for me. No way of knowing it’s something about me I’ve known for a long time, but it’s something I’ve never said out loud before.
I turn off the light and lie back in bed. I feel restless. Too hot with the covers on and too cold with them off. I try in vain to lie still and will myself to fall asleep. I feel under pressure to do so. I need to drift off. Now. I need to go to sleep now, before Luke settles in for the night and kicks off his nightly self-abuse ritual.
The last beer I had went to my head. I could feel it when I was sitting on the sofa, and I felt it more when I stood up; a warm muffled embrace that cocooned common sense, wrapping it up and discarding it, leaving recklessness in its place.
I know I’m impaired and I feel a sense of dread about it. A sense of urgency. I need to go to sleep or I’m going to do something stupid. I don’t know what, but I know myself and history has taught me that when I feel like this, I more than deliver on the stupid stakes. I shut my eyes tightly and take long, even breaths through my nose.
The soft hiss of water comes to a sudden stop. The bathroom door opens. Bare feet pad past my door and into Luke’s room. He moves around a bit, but not for too long. I hear the squeak of mattress springs and a soft, contented sigh. My ears have been peeled since he got to his room. I haven’t heard his wardrobe door creak.
Is he naked in bed?
I start feeling warm again, so I push the covers down to my waist, letting cool air waft over my chest. It helps, but not for long. Timber scrapes against timber next door, as he slides his desk drawer open and rummages around.
Fuck.
A plastic lid flicks open. It’s like a red rag to a bull. I’m livid. Boiling. I rip the covers off me completely and get to my knees, pressing the side of my face against the wall to cool down. I hear the slick sound of dick fucking a fist.
Is he thinking of Gould?
I can’t believe the fucking nerve of Gould, making an offer like that. “He’s offered a few times.”
A few times? A few?
How many times is a few?
I’m going to kill that guy. I didn’t like him on sight and boy was I right about him. I don’t need him sniffing around here and clearly, neither does Luke. The last thing he needs is a friend like that. I think of the way Gould looked at him. Big brown puppy dog eyes, alight with amusement and fondness. And hope. Hope that he’ll be the first one to have Luke. The first one to touch him. The first one to take him. The first one to make him come apart.
Bile burns the back of my throat. My hand moves of its own accord. It tightens into a fist and pounds the wall between us.
“Luke! I know what you’re doing in there.”
7
Luke
OhGod!
I freeze, hoping against hope I didn’t hear what I heard. I don’t move. I try not to breathe. There’s another knock. As hard as the first one. It shakes the wall between us and kills my fading hope that I was imagining things.
“I can hear you.” His voice sounds different to the way it usually sounds. It’s raspy and strained. “I know what you’re doing.”
Shame washes over me. It feels intravenous, I can feel it flowing down my legs and up my neck, settling hotly across my cheeks. I try to apologize. No sound comes out. I can’t find my voice, so I’m left pathetically mouthing, “Sorry.”
I quickly reach for the covers and try to pull them up, reluctantly letting go of my dick at the same time.
“Did I tell you to move?”
I’m breathless with fright, blinking frantically into the dark. I shake my head like an idiot even though I know damned well he can’t see me.
“Sorry,” I say again. This time it comes out high pitched and squawky.
“You’re sorry, huh? You fucking should be. You’ve been keeping me up night after night. The wall is paper thin. I can hear everything you do.Everything. Might even be able to hear what you think.”
