In my defense, I didn’t realize my actions were giving rise to a situation. I’ve been drinking legally since I was eighteen in Australia. I forgot you have to be twenty-one to drink in the States. My dad pulls me aside. He has this intenseI’m about to flex my parenting skillslook about him. The corners of his eyes are creased, and his jaw is tighter than usual. It makes me feel faint with rage. I gear myself up for a meltdown of epic proportions. Truth be told, I’m looking forward to the release.
It doesn’t come.
My dad and I have a long talk during which we agree to a don’t ask don’t tell kind of arrangement. I’m allowed to drink at home within reason, as long as I don’t supply minors and obviously don’t drink and drive. I can tell my dad is concerned about how he’s handled things when we head back into the living room. He’s worried he’s been too soft on me. He’s probably worried I’m going to corrupt their precious Luke. He relaxes when Rachel gives him a tiny nod and a reassuring smile that saysI knew you’d do the right thing, Sweetie.
I’m still feeling tense and half-disappointed I didn’t get to explode, so after dinner I help myself to another beer and start drinking it on the way back to the guest house. Luke tags along, chattering as always.
“So what did you think of Chase and Gould? D’you see what I mean about Gould? He’s a bit of a shock, but once it wears off, he’s pretty great, huh?”
“Mm.”
I sit on the sofa and start flicking through channels. Luke offers me some cheese and crackers and once he’s assembled the platter, he flops down on the sofa beside me. Right beside me. Touching me. Leaning against me with an arm around the back of my shoulder.
Why the fuck does he have to sit so close?
“D’you mind?”
“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “Habit.”
Thankfully, he takes the hint and gives me some space. He moves to the opposite side of the sofa and lies down on his side, pummeling a throw pillow until it’s just how he likes it. I’m about to put my feet up and settle in for a proper chill session when I feel his bare foot on my thigh. I fully intend to slap it away, but for some reason I don’t. Instead, I take a careful sip of my beer and try not to move the rest of my body. I can feel the ball of his foot and his toes pressed against me. They infuse my leg with a strange, fizzy heat. I know I should move, but I don’t. The alcohol must have taken hold because that’s not the only stupid thing I do. Far from it. I get chatty and start asking questions. Dumb questions.
Questions like, “So, Luke, what’s the big plan then?”
“Big plan for what?”
“Getting your V-card punched.”
“Told you. I have options.” He doesn’t look in my direction, but I see a glint of blue light from the TV reflect on his teeth.
“Oh yeah, like who?” I spread my legs, butting my thigh against his foot in a way I’m not entirely sure is an accident.
I’m willing to bet this sunny momma’s boy has never come within a hundred foot of a situation that could have resulted in him getting laid. And even if he has, there’s no way he’d have recognized the situation for what it was.
“There’s this guy Jake from my homeroom class. He’s nice and he flirts with me but he’s not really my type. Or there’s this older guy I met online, DaddyXXX. He seems super sweet and he says he has lots of experience breaking guys in.”
“Are you fucking insane?” My voice booms against every solid surface in the room and my blood runs cold in my veins. “An old guy you met online. Do you have any idea how stupid that is?”
He turns to me and laughs from his belly. The little fucker is having me on. “I’m a virgin, Jessie, not an idiot with a death wish.”
“So, what you’re really saying is that you have no options.” I laugh, too. The sound bubbles out of me. Oxygen floods my lungs and I feel a crazy sense of relief at the thought of Luke staying a virgin forever.
“Well, there’s always Gould, I guess.”
“Gould?”The relief from before turns sour, leaving a foul taste in my mouth.
“Yeah, he’s offered a few times.”
“Gould likes guys?”
“Gould likes everyone.”
“And you? D’you only like guys, or girls, too?”
“I like girls a lot. I love them. I think they’re beautiful and I might get on better with them than I get on with guys, but I don’t like them like that.”
“Do you wish you did?”
“Nah, I’m happy with who I am.” He makes it sound so fucking simple. So fucking easy.
