She rubs her face with one hand and stands. “He won’t be back for a week if he even survives. Which means my fix is gone too. God damn you people. What do you want?” She walks into the kitchen, grabs a pack of cigarettes, and lights up.
I struggle to settle my nerves. Stellan gives her boyfriend money and she acts like he did it to hurt her. But that's my mother, always the victim, no matter what nasty shit she does to deserve what she gets. I watch her take a drag and blow out smoke, and I try to remember what she was like the last time I saw her. Not as thin, definitely not smoking. Her hair's got more gray in it now too. More wrinkles line her face.
But it's still Mom. I struggle against the wave of emotion and nostalgia that crashes into me.
“We're here to talk to you about something Dad left behind.”
She waves a hand in the air. “Why would you bring him up? Your father's long gone now.”
“I know what he did, Mom.” She glances at Stellan and quickly takes another drag. My eyes narrow. “I think you do too.”
“That's ancient history. Whatever your father did with his little friends, I'm not a part of it.”
“Mom, please. We're not here to punish you.”
“Of course you're not, since I didn't do anything wrong.” Her nose wrinkles and I note she's not looking at Stellan. “I told your father not to do anything stupid. I told him and he promised he wouldn't, but he was always so soft. I told him we'd work it out.”
Stellan suddenly leans forward. “Bryan was one of the toughest, most competent men I've ever met. You should reconsider the way you speak about him.”
Mom flinches. She takes another drag. “Whatever. He's gone, and I don't have anything else to say about him.”
“There was a jewelry box.” I start to feel a little desperate. I can feel this meeting beginning to slip away. Mom's always like this: avoidant and combative. Anything bad happens, it's never her fault. She couldn't possibly bring it on herself.
“What about it?”
“We found it in the wall in Gem's closet. You hid it in there, didn't you?”
She looks at me for a long moment, glances at Stella, and shrugs. “Your father did.”
“It had something, didn't it?”
“Just junk.”
“Come on, Mom. Why would Dad go to the trouble if all it had was junk? He told you about the key, didn't he?”
Her face pales slightly. She sucks on the cigarette, compulsively puts it out in an empty beer bottle, and lights another. “I don't know what you mean.”
My palms slam down on the table. I stand, anger smashing into me like a speeding train. I stare at my mother, vibrating with hate.
“You took it, didn't you? When you left, you took everything in that box. Dad died for that key, and you stole it.”
“I don't know?—”
“Enough, Mom, enough lies, enough bullshit. We're not going to hurt you. I just want to know where the damn key is. If you evercared about me, if you ever cared about Gem even a tiny little bit, just for once in your life do the right thing and tell me where it is.” Tears run down my face. I'm so mad at this woman for being such a terrible mother. She ruined my life in so many different ways.
But I’m also mad at myself for letting her. I know I’ve got pieces of her in me. I could easily deflect and act like none of this is my fault, but the truth is, I let myself get consumed by Gem’s genius and all her potential. I wanted to work my ass off. It was easier than starting my own life. It was a mission to keep me focused. Now I see my own part in all this, and I’m mad at myself, too.
Mom stares at me. She puts her cigarette out and lights another. Then she grabs a beer from the fridge, cracks it open, and takes a long swig. “Ten thousand.”
“What?” I almost laugh. It’s obscene. But she stares at me, no shame in her eyes.
“You wanna know? Ten thousand dollars. Don’t act like you can’t afford it. I know who he is.” She gestures at Stellan. “He just threw around a few hundred like it was nothing. I want ten thousand for my trouble.”
“Why? So you can shoot it all up and be dead in a week?”
“Don’t you talk to me that way. I’m still your mother.”
“No, you aren’t.” I look at Stellan. “Break her legs. Make her talk.”
