The houses here are small. Some are maintained, but others look like they’re barely touched. The main road through the development is paved, but the rest are gravel. Big propane tanks sit next to rusting flatbed trucks. Kids roam in packs, some playing football in the street. They stare as we pass them. It’s later in the day, and people are home from work. Lots of people sit on porches, staring out through screens. It doesn’t feel dangerous, but it doesn’t feel good either.
“I can’t imagine my mom living here,” I say softly as the driver parks out front of a plain trailer house at the end of a cul-de-sac. It’s not the nicest but not the worst either. A little white Civic is parked out front. “She loved designer bags. I remember she was so fashionable when I was little.”
“There’s a reason your father went into debt.”
“I know, it’s messed up, but still. This doesn’t feel like her.” I stare at the house, but I don’t move.
“You can stay in here. There’s no reason you have to go inside if you don’t want to.”
“No. I should.” But I still don’t open the door. “I want to face her. I haven’t seen her since she left.”
“She’ll be different. You know that. Years of using does that to people.”
“I know. Trust me, I know, I’ve seen it already.” I take a deep breath. I’m more nervous than I thought I’d be. I’m angrier too. I’m pissed for Gem, for my father, for everyone.
If she hadn’t sucked him dry, if she hadn’t been such a shitty addict, a terrible wife, an awful mother?—
But this is where we are.
Stellan gets out, and I force myself to follow.
A woman’s waiting on the porch. She’s watching with a cautious stare. It takes me a beat to recognize my mother looking ten years older than she ever did. Her hair’s frizzy and graying. She’s wearing a white blouse and faded jeans. She scowls when our eyes meet, and I get a flashback to when I was a little girl. I was always so afraid of her anger. But she can’t punish me anymore.
“I was wondering if I’d ever see you again.” She pushes open the screen door and glances at Stellan. “Who’s the attractive rich man? You finally make a good choice?”
“Mom, this is Stellan Corsetti.”
The name instantly registers. I see it when her eyes widen, and she steps back. She quickly gathers herself. “Nice to meet you, Stellan. I guess my daughter told you all about me.” She holds the door open wider. “Come on in if that’s what you’re here for.”
I follow her inside. Stellan stays close behind. The driver remains outside, smoking a cigarette, glaring around dangerously. I suspect none of the neighbors are going to be nosy today.
The inside of the trailer isn’t as bad as I expected. The couch is old but clean, the table is cluttered but in good shape, and there aren’t any dirty dishes in the sink. A few empty beer bottles linger in a recycling bin. Another open one is sweating beside an armchair where a skinny guy with a blond mustache and a scowl is waiting.
“Stellan, Kira, this is Scotty.” She gestures at him.
Scotty grunts in return. “Didn’t know you were havin’ friends over.”
Mom ignores him and pulls out some chairs. She clears more bottles off the table and pretends like there’s not clearly some kind of pipe in an ashtray. “Take a seat. You two want something? I made soup last night. Got some beer too.”
“You’re feedin’ them now? You better not let them drink up all our good stuff.”
Mom turns to her boyfriend. “Shut the fuck up.”
He glares, but he shuts up.
I sit down. Stellan joins me. “We’re fine,” I say and pat the table lightly. “We just want to talk about something important.”
“Alone.” Stellan looks at Scotty. “If you don’t mind.”
Scotty sits up straight. “Is this motherfucker saying I can’t be in my own damn house?”
“That’s what I’m saying.” Stellan leans toward him. “Go somewhere else.” He takes a small roll of money from his pocket and tosses it over. “Be a good boy and get busy.”
Scotty catches it, flipping through the cash skeptically, but shrugs and stands. “Alright, I ain’t gonna ask no questions then. You lot be good.” He moseys to the door. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Once he’s gone, Mom sighs and looks at Stellan. “How much did you give him?”
“Three hundred.”
