“While I don’t remember much about my parents, I do remember church. Little dresses and patent leather shoes. Mom and Dad teaching us right from wrong, wanting us to be good people. To leave the world better than we found it.” Tears threatened my vision, but I bit them back. Crying in front of my attorney, the man my heart was reaching for? Not helping. But seriously. “I let them down.”
“Your parents would be here for you, right now, no question,” Ryker said, and something in his voice made me want to believe him.
“Then right behind the shame comes this crushing guilt for even having these feelings when, somewhere, a family is planning a funeral because of me.”
“You don’t know what happened. And neither do they, despite what the DA wants everyone to believe. Hopefully, Blake’s right, and your memories might return, but regardless, that guy must have attacked you. You must have defended yourself.”
Must.First of all, I needed to believe that. I wasn’t proud of the person I used to be, but becoming a killer? It couldn’t be true. I didn’t reinvent myself just to become a hundred times worse than what I was before.
And that wordmustmade my lungs constrict. The way he said it … it was like he had to believe the woman he’d been falling for couldn’t possibly be an intentional killer.
I wasn’t, right?
In any case … “He’s still dead.” The words came out flat. Final. “At least I’m breathing.”
Ryker’s cheek twitched. There it was again. That flash of something protective. Something that made warmth bloom beneath my ribs.
The car fell into silence, but not the uncomfortable kind. The kind where two people are thinking the same thing but neither wants to be the first to say it.
At the next red light, Ryker’s right hand moved from the steering wheel. For a moment, it hovered in the space between us, like he was fighting himself. Then his fingers found mine, threading through them with a certainty that made my breath catch.
“Faith.” His voice was rougher than I’d ever heard it. “I know I said we have to put us on hold. That being your lawyer means maintaining boundaries.” His thumb traced the back of my hand, and I felt that touch everywhere. “But I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to throw that logic out the window and just … hold you.”
I couldn’t look at him. If I did, I might do something stupid like cry. Or kiss him.
“My feelings for you aren’t surface level.” His grip tightened slightly. “Haven’t been since that first kiss. Hell, maybe before that. And right now, knowing what you’re facing, knowing I’msupposed to be thinking strategy and precedent and evidence …” He let out a frustrated breath. “All I can think about is how badly I want to pull this car over and hold you until that haunted look leaves your eyes.”
The light turned green, and we started moving again.
“I know I was sending you mixed signals. And that I kept pushing you away, but …” I shook my head. “The truth is, I wanted more with you too.”
I could tell my words had a big impact on him. In fact, it almost looked like this seasoned counselor could have been persuaded to have a secret romance with me. Not because it was smart, but because he was having just as hard of a time pausing this as I was.
I squeezed his hand once before letting go. “But you were right. Now’s not the right time.”
He considered this, clearly hating the idea that after finally, finally both admitting we wanted this, we couldn’t act on it. “After this is over though …” He glanced at me, and the promise in his eyes made my heart stutter. “We’re going to have a very different conversation.”
I managed a small smile. “Assuming I’m not having it through prison bars.”
“Not happening.” The conviction in his voice almost made me believe him. “And as for the case … Faith, we need to sit down and really talk. Today.”
“I know.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, fighting the headache building behind my eyes.
“You’re going to have to tell me everything, Faith. Every skeleton, every dirty secret that could come out. Everything about you.”
Everything. The word hollowed me out. I’d never told anyone the full truth. Not foster parents, not friends, not even my brother when we finally reunited because over the years of living in darkness, I discovered that no one had ever loved me for all of me. Only the pieces I made pretty, safe, easy to digest. The sharpedges, the survival instincts that kept me breathing when softness would have broken me … those parts stayed hidden. Love, or whatever scraps of it I’d been offered, was conditional. Be what they wanted or be left behind.
If Ryker saw the rest … would he walk, just like everyone else?
“I need to start building your defense immediately. Like, the second we finish this conversation. I need witness lists, expert testimonies, evidence analysis. Everything.” His voice carried an urgency with it. “I know it feels like we have time, but we don’t. Every second that passes is ammunition we’re handing to the prosecution. And you heard what the DA said.”
I cringed at the memory. Walking around that courthouse corner, hearing his voice carry down the hallway:“I’m going to bury Faith Morrison.”
Clear. Cold. Determined.Charming guy. Really hoping he doesn’t get invited to parties.
“I know you’re exhausted, but we really need to start now,” he added.
I stared out the window at a line of houses not unlike my own home. Home. Such a strange concept after the last few days. Home. Where the heart is. Where I might never sleep again after this trial.
