And the worst part? When I closed my eyes, Master E's voice echoed in my head in that commanding tone that made my knees weak.
"You're trembling. Nervous or excited?"
"Both."
And for those few hours, I'd felt utterly, completely alive.
Even if I'd never know his name.
Easton
I was on my third cup of coffee when Beck found me in the film room, supposedly reviewing last night's game footage but actually staring at the same clip on repeat.
"You look like hell," he observed, dropping into the chair beside me.
"Rough night."
"The game wasn't that bad. We won."
I didn't respond, my mind still caught on Ava. The way she'd trembled when I'd bound her wrists. How she'd said"Yes, Sir"with such trust it had nearly undone me. The softness of her skin, the catch in her breath, the way she'd surrendered so completely.
And then she'd run.
I'd come out of the bathroom to find the room empty, her clothes gone, nothing left but the faint scent of her perfume and the memory of her gasping my fake name.
"This about the vet?" Beck asked, because apparently, my personal life was transparent to my teammates.
"What?" I blinked at him. "No. Why would you think that?"
"Because you've been checking your phone every thirty seconds, and you have that look. The 'I did something, and now I'm waiting to see if it's going to blow up in my face' look."
I wasn't checking for Ava. Meredith had been clear about Sassy's privacy rules. No contact information was exchanged. Complete anonymity. Which was exactly what I'd needed last night when I'd accepted the session.
Except for now, all I could think about was finding her again.
"It's nothing," I said.
"Right." Beck's tone said he didn't believe me. "So, what happened? Another almost-kiss with Sadie that got interrupted?"
"This has nothing to do with Sadie." The lie tasted bitter. Because the worst part? The entire time I'd been with Ava, I'd imagined it was Sadie beneath me. Sadie saying,"Yes, Sir."Sadie trusting me enough to surrender.
It was fucked up.
Before Beck could press further, my phone buzzed. It was Sadie confirming Casey's practice at three.
So normal. So mundane. While I was losing my mind over an anonymous woman I'd never see again.
"You sure you're okay?" Beck asked, his expression concerned.
I needed to tell someone. The secret was eating me alive.
"I went to Sassy's last night," I snapped.
Beck's eyebrows shot up. "The BDSM club? You?"
"Don't look so shocked. I've been before." Just never since moving to Amber Falls. Never since meeting Sadie and realizing I wanted more than casual scenes.
"And?"
