I called Holly back.
"Matcha latte in thirty minutes?" She answered without preamble. "You sound like you need it."
"How would you know what I sound like? I haven't said anything yet."
"Because you called back instead of texting, which means you need to talk. And the only thing that makes you need to talk instead of text is…" She paused. "Wait. This isn't about Easton?"
"Thirty minutes. The usual place."
Thirty minutes later, Holly took one look at my face when I arrived and ordered me a large latte instead of the small I usually got. We found a quiet corner booth away from the morning crowd.
"So," she said once we were settled. "Want to tell me why you look like you haven't slept, or should I guess?"
"I did something stupid." I wrapped both hands around the warm mug, its heat grounding me. "Really, really stupid."
Holly waited, her expression patient.
"I went to Sassy's last night."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Oh?"
"I booked a session. Anonymous. Masked. I just… I needed not to think for a while." My voice dropped. "And it was intense, Holls. Like, terrifyingly intense."
"Intense how?"
I couldn't meet her eyes. "He knew exactly what I needed. How to touch me, when to push, when to ease back. It was like he could read my mind." My throat tightened. "And I've never felt safer in my entire life, which is completely insane because I didn't even know him."
"But?" Holly prompted gently.
"But then afterward, I panicked and ran. I left him there and just… ran."
Holly was quiet for a long moment. "Why did you run?"
"Because it felt too good." The confession burst out of me. "I was supposed to work out my frustration with Easton, and instead I found this stranger who made me feel things I've never—" I stopped, pressing my palms to my eyes. "What if I'mbroken, Holls? What if the only way I can let go is with someone I'll never see again?"
"You're not broken." Holly reached across the table to squeeze my hand. "You fear being vulnerable. There's a difference."
"Maybe." I took a shaky breath. "But I can't stop thinking about him. His voice. The way he…" I bit my lip. "God, I'm pathetic."
"You're human." Holly's smile was sympathetic. "For what it's worth? Maybe finding someone who makes you feel safe enough to surrender is exactly what you needed. Even if he was a stranger."
My phone buzzed. A text from Easton:We still on for Casey's hockey practice later? I can pick her up from your parents' if that's easier.
The contrast made my chest ache. Here was Easton being steady and reliable, and I was obsessing over an anonymous Dom I'd never see again.
Yes,I typed back.3pm.
"Speaking of Easton," Holly observed, because of course she'd seen his name on my screen. "Have you figured out what you're going to do about him?"
"There's nothing to figure out. He's Casey's uncle. That's all it can be."
"Is it?" Holly's knowing look made me squirm. "Because from where I'm sitting, you're terrified of wanting him. And maybe last night was your subconscious trying to prove you could feel something for someone."
"Or maybe it was just sex with a stranger, and I need to stop overanalyzing it."
"Maybe." Holly didn't sound convinced. "But Sadie? Running away isn't going to make this easier. You know that, right?"
I knew that. But knowing and doing were two very different things.
