ButI’mgoing into the worst system there is.
Fear cripples my limbs, twists my stomach, dampens my skin. All I know about prison is what I’ve seen on TV. But if the wrecked appearance of Jax is any indication… it’s much, much worse.
I let my eyes wander up toward where he’s standing, running his hand through his hair for the millionth time. Greasy from how many times he’s done it, the strands fall forward, cutting across his face in a way that makes him look haunted. It aches watching him unravel, but I don’t have the energy to console him, not when I can barely keep myself stitched together. I want to tell him that I don’t expect him to fix this, that I don’t hold itagainst him that he can’t fix it, that I’mthankfulfor what he’s already done.
Yesterday, I loathed him for burning down my house, but yesterday I didn’t have the real fear of prison embedded in my marrow. After today, I can see the benefits of burning stuff down. I want nothing more than for my truck to be burnt to a crisp right now. I’m sure if the house was still standing, I would take a match to it myself. I was being stupid and stubborn, and he was doing what needed to be done.
“He won’t care,” Jax hisses at Caleb, trying to keep his voice down, not aware that I haven’t fallen asleep. “I have twelve years on you. I think I know him better than you do.”
“It’s our only option,” Caleb fires back with the same hushed venom.
I’ve never seen the younger Landon carry himself with such conviction, and in that intensity, the relation to his brother is apparent. With the boyishness stripped away, his jaw locks the same way Jax’s does, his gaze just as steady. It makes me wonder what Jax might have looked like if tension hadn’t carved him into stone. Will Caleb be carved the same way? Is it inevitable with the life he has ahead of him because of his father?
“It’s not going to go how you think it will. He’s not—”
“So, we just let her go to jail? We have to try.”
“It’s pointless.”
“We have totry,” Caleb continues to push as Jax rolls his eyes and runs his hand through his hair again. “Why aren’t you willing to try?I love Nix. And she loves her sister. I would do anything for her. I would do this for her. Wouldn’t you do the same for Kira?”
Jax clenches his fist, the tendons standing out, and grits his teeth. “Of course I would.”
“Then we have to ask him.”
I have a sick feeling I know whohimis, but I don’t have it in me to interject.
“No,” Jax says.
“Then you don’t love her,” Caleb breathes with disappointment.
Jax freezes, finally looking at his brother. With narrowed eyes, he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. A look of pain crosses his features, something warring inside of him, and I find myself holding my breath. I was only teasing him earlier. I don’t really expect him to be in love with me but… but the invisible thread that extends from my chest toward him is reaching out, hoping to be grasped.
Slowly, the rigidity falls from his shoulders. His chest expands with a deep breath before exhaling, and he squeezes his eyes shut, fists loosening. My heart thumps, waiting to be met with disappointment, and when he opens his eyes… he’s looking right at me, snaring me in his stare as if he’s known I’ve been watching the whole time.
“I’ve loved her since the first night I saw her,” he says while holding my gaze. “I did what she needed then, and I’ll do what she needs now. There’snothingI wouldn’t do for her.”
The words are meant for me, and they flood through me, filling every crack I’ve ever had.He loves me. For the first time in years, I feel whole. I want to laugh at the absurdity of it, because I’ve never been in a lower spot in my life, but the ache in my chest is finally the good kind. My body relaxes as if I’ve just sunk into a warm bath, and tiredness finally claims me. Against my will, my eyes flutter shut under Jax’s devoted gaze.
Chapter Fifty-One
Kira
Before I even open my eyes, dread knots my stomach—the day before being the first thing that registers in my mind. The cops. Layton. My truck. But when I realize my arms are fuller than when I fell asleep, and that the body beneath me is warmer and larger, a calm spreads through me. The masculine scent of leather and soap envelops me.
Jax.
Sometime in my sleep, Nix must have slipped away, and he took her place. And apparently, I didn’t hesitate to latch onto him. I peek my eyes open to find that I’ve practically crawled onto him and that I’m clutching my hands around his neck. I have a leg slung up over his midsection, and a cheek nuzzled against his chest.
I’ve koala’d him.
Embarrassment runs rampant until I remember that I’m going to jail, and this might be the last time I ever get to touch him, or anyone, for a long time. In defiance, I burrow deeper into him, wishing I could sink inside him and hide. His touch suddenly slides up my back in a comforting graze.
“You haven’t been asleep, have you?” I ask.
His voice is rough when he speaks, and the response rumbles against my cheek. “I haven’t slept since I met you.”
My throat tightens. I’ve been nothing but trouble for him, and while that would have amused me a few days ago, now the idea of being a burden on him, when he already deals with so much, cleaves me in two.
