But it doesn’t matter now. I missed my opportunity to become a psychologist, a doctor, a lawyer… The scholarship I won all but evaporated the day I graduated and found our father passed out in the bathroom. He had been clean for fourteen weeks. I had made sure of it. I needed him to finally be a father, at least for Nix, so I could leave, and I held his pathetic hand through the whole detox. I even spoke to my then-manager at Bell’s about hiring him for a barback position. I really thought he would finally get it together. Because he had to. Because I was leaving. But when he didn’t show up for graduation, I knew I would never be going anywhere.
Nix deserved better than being left with a man who would rather spend his money on alcohol than food. She deserved better than being bounced around in the system. She deserved—deserves—better than this.
I crack my eyes, the time on the dash telling me it’s just past midnight. She should be home, asleep, preparing for her senior exams, not getting ready to bury a body. God, maybe I should have let her go into the system. Maybe then she wouldn’t have been left at home at night for Officer Marshal to harass. Maybe her foster parents would have known he wasn’t actually trying to help. Maybe—
“Here!” I lean forward between the seats. “Turn here.”
Caleb quickly hits the brakes, squinting out the windshield as he spots the hidden road—just a narrow shadow that winds up to Horizon Bluff. It’s supposed to be hard to find, as they don’t want anyone up there anymore. I think the last I heard was that the cliff was crumbling, but we aren’t here to park on the edge and make out. We’re here to bury a body.
Caleb’s car struggles through the overgrowth, jostling about and scraping the underside, and I expect him to complain about his precious car. But maybe I’m being too harsh. I mean, he didn’t even so much as flinch when he helped Nix move Marshal to his trunk, which, now that I think about it, is odd, even if he wasn’t a rich kid. I know that just the few minutes I had to handle Marshal, with his cold and stiff limbs, that my face was scrunched up in displeasure.
I keep my eyes on him as we crest the bluff and break free of the foliage. He seems harmless, kind of cute actually, and I can see why Nix might like him. For me, he’d need a good amount of stubble and muscle, but I can see him getting there when he gets older. With his dark hair and eyes, and the sharp jawline he hasn’t grown into… he’s definitely going to be a looker. He sort of reminds me of someone, but I can’t place it, and I don’t have the time to figure it out right now.
“Don’t go up to the edge,” I tell him. “It’s not stable.”
“Should I stop here then?”
“Yeah. It’s fine. No one comes up here anymore.” I unbuckle my seat belt.
“Wait,” Nix spins in her seat. “This is the spot, isn’t it?” Her eyes are alight, and it takes me a second to realize what she’s asking.
When I do, I groan and grab the door handle.
“Oh, my God. It is!” she squeals. “What was his name? I can’t—”
I get out and shut the door on her before she can finish. Now is not the time to rehash the night I lost my virginity. Actually, never would be a good time. I only told her about it to discourage her from having sex herself. Because it was awful. It was awkward and gross and didn’t feel good at all. Michael was way more into it than me, all eager and careless. And whileI obviously didn’t want Nix getting an STD or pregnant, I also didn’t want her to face the same disappointment I did.
I’ve since found better lays. Though, if I’m being honest, they all kind of feel lackluster. I mean, I orgasm because I’m going to get mine regardless, even if that means clamping my hands on the guy’s waist and guiding his movements because I’m not about to let some guy huff and puff over me for nothing. But where’s the sweat-drenching, toe-curling, life-changing orgasm I was promised from movies?
It doesn’t exist.
Just like a bright future never existed for me.
I set my teeth and tap on the trunk, ready to get this over with. A second later, it pops, and Caleb and Nix get out.
“You can stay in the car,” I say to Caleb, eyeing the lumpy galaxy comforter and the shovel we found in the garage. “You’ve already helped enough, and truth be told, I still don’t trust you.”
“Didn’t you just get out of the hospital, though?” he asks and shimmies up to my left, Nix already on my right.
“And didn’t you just get out of diapers?” I sigh.
“I don’t think you should be carrying him.” He ignores my dig.
“Yeah,” Nix chimes in. “You should be the one to stay in the car. We can do it.”
I glare at her. “Sorry if I’m a third wheel for you two, but I’m not about to leave our bleak futures up to two high schoolers. He needs to be buried.Deep.”
“I know how to bury a body,” Caleb says. “You don’t have to worry.”
“How would you know how to bury a body?” I eye him, gripping the trunk to steady myself. “Jesus, Nix, who is this kid?”
“Just get out of the way,” she says, nudging me. “It’s getting cold.”
I’m at my wit’s end, my heart thumping even though I haven’t done anything yet, and begrudgingly, I step back. They quickly close the gap I leave. In tandem, they lean in and maneuver Marshal into their arms.
It’s like a bad dream—the quiet night, the desolate area, the dark car… But it’s really happening. An actual body is being pulled from the trunk, and there’s a heavy thud when it’s dropped onto the ground.
I flinch. “Jesus.”
