“It’s an understandable desire. Admittedly, I’m feeling the urge to break a bone or two of yours.”
The anger about him was different, not the kind he showed after I told him off or disobeyed an order. This had an exhaustion to it, something that made his eyes dark in the worst ways. He sighed, and the sound had such physical weight that I nearly mirrored him.
I hopped to my feet and put distance between us. I hugged my torso as if that would shield me from him. “Why do you care? Why does she care? She said…” The words were too poisonous for my tongue. “She doesn’t care. She’s pissed because you made her come out searching for me.”
“I didn’t make her do anything. You weren’t taking orders, as usual, so I went out to find your commlink.” He pulled the device from his pocket to slam against my chest. “I had to organize a search party. The head researcher needed to know, so Elado told Madlyn that her idiot brother had wandered off and there she was storming out right after you. You’re lucky she found you.”
He shut his eyes when I whispered, “That is my name.”
That glorious eye twitch returned with a vengeance. He had much more to say based on those pinched lips. His hand remained on my chest, over my heart beating far too fast. The commlink prevented him from feeling it, and for that I was grateful.
“She came out looking for you first. She’s pissed, so am I, because what you did was stupid and it will not happen again, understood?” He growled with no venom when that’s all that should be there.
Disdain. Disappointment. Irritation. There couldn’t be more than that from him or her. I didn’t believe him, couldn’t. After what she said, it made little sense. None of it. Her coming. Him seeming to care. I came to clear my head, but it got much worse.
“Don’t piss me off again, and it won’t,” I grumbled instead, taking the commlink and retreating.
“Ethin.”
“I prefer when you discipline me with your sexy voice.”
“You’re insufferable. Can you be serious? We were worried.”
“Don’t give me that. Don’t pretend.”
“I’m not—”
“Stop lying!” My voice cracked from the intensity of my shout. “You could easily find another private to bend over your desk, so there is no need for you to pretend to give a shit about me.”
Roys took firm hold of my arm, painful in his intensity. His eyes were black holes, bringing me in, in, in. He was breaking me apart long before he spoke, “I was worried about you, and none of your attempts to aggravate me will change that.”
“Worried because it’s your duty to be, protocol and all that,” I repeated the truth he shared the other night. Protocol to check on us, to keep us alive, to offer support and to care, because he was the captain. It wasn’t real. I was a duty, an obligation.
“You aren’t wrong.” His admission struck me cold, as did his absence. His hands fell away, listless at his sides. “It’s my job to watch out for my team. I want to ensure everyone’s safety, including yours, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
“Why not?”
He canted his head.
“I’ve been a dick since day one. Wouldn’t my absence make your life infinitely better?” I somehow feared and craved the answer.
He hesitated, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “You’re… an enigma. Some days, I want to throttle you, and on others, when you’re weaving flower crowns and capable of holding a civilized conversation, you’re actually enjoyable to be around. In the field,” his eyes fell to my lips then back up, “when it felt like we could lay there for hours talking about nothing at all, I liked that, so no, Ethin, I don’t think my life would be better without you in it.”
Turning his back to me, he stalked toward the forest. “Don’t do this again.”
Liar, liar, liar,my thoughts repeated, searing the word into my brain like a brand. I pressed a palm to my temple, wishing the ache would subside.
“Ethin,” Roys warned, and my name should have put me on edge, but it made my toes curl.
“Fuck,” I grumbled while following him and tugged the commlink on. The device buzzed with numerous incoming messages.
Ryker:It is too hot for this shit. If you do this again, I’m leaving you out there to die.
Arana:If you’re ever eaten by one of the flora, can I have your Kelser Goes to Ohsaira Volumes 1-10 special editions? I won’t sell them. I promise.
Zavir:I will never forgive you for this offense. Galya came searching with me. My ears are going to fall off.
Iylene:It is fortunate you’re not dead. Lilea won’t stop crying, and I fear she may die of dehydration.
