“Not a problem.” I lifted him into the shower. Roys made a surprised sound that had me rolling my eyes while tugging off his boxers.
He thought I couldn’t lift him that easily. Bastard.
Settling Roys’ in the shower, back against the wall, I undressed and turned the water on at a lukewarm temperature. All the showers had a removable head, which I ran over his chest and arms, every muscle trembled, seeming to tense and relax at random.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said while my fingers massaged the shampoo into his scalp.
“Shut up, or you’ll get soap in your mouth.” I took my time at the back of his neck where his muscles were horribly tense. He leaned intothe touch that eased him until he slouched against my shoulder. “I’m taking this as your way of saying this feels good?”
“Hmm.” His arms draped around my waist and stayed there through the process of washing his hair then slathering his back in soap. Roys wasn’t pleased when I pushed him away from his heat source so I could wash his front.
“I like you being nice, but also, I sense a disturbance,” he said while I massaged the soap around his legs.
“Understandable. I was told good boys are rewarded.”
“Unfortunately, I do not have the energy to reward you now, or in the near future.”
“I guess you will be charged interest.”
He laughed, though settled his hand beneath my chin. His eyes were vast as space itself. “What’s wrong?”
“Why does something have to be wrong?”
“Tell me there isn’t, then.” His finger brushed my bottom lip. “And be serious.”
“There’s nothing…” I moved my head from his hand and brought the water over him, letting the suds wash down the drain. I wanted my thoughts to leave with them, except that had always been the problem. Running away had always been my strong suit, but I had been presented with an opportunity to stand my ground, even if it scared me, and if I didn’t, then the consequences would be my worst nightmare.
“Maddy talked to me today,” I whispered.
“Yeah?”
Roys looked at me like he actually saw me. I suppose he always had. He never saw Lucky, just Ethin, the parts I hated most, that he did, too. But he searched through the sharpest pieces and, like little treasures, collected what he could, brought them out to shine through the darkness theywere lost in. And that night, he found another piece, the worst one, broken beyond recognition. But he sat there, listening to what that piece had to say without uttering a word.
The truth spilled with the water, a rush of noise from my lips that had been sealed for too long. Not once did I raise my eyes, focusing on cleaning him because if I saw his face, I would run. Like all the times before, I would give up everything to spare this wicked feeling splitting apart my chest. But Maddy was trying, so I had to try too, no matter how much agony that caused.
“I left her,” I said with the tale coming to an end. “I abandoned her.”
“Ethin, the truth is much more than that. You were a kid…”
“I was old enough to know the difference between right and wrong.”
“And you, unfortunately, knew death too young, so you were terrified, as you should have been. They would have killed you, and a swift death would have been the only kindness they would offer.” Roys took the shower head from me to run over my heaving shoulders. The water shocked a curse out of me that urged him to cup my face. “I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you’ve been alone all these years, but you don’t have to tough it out alone anymore. It doesn’t have to be you against the world.”
“I don’t remember what it’s like not to stand alone against the world.”
“That’s okay. We can learn how together.”
I kissed him and wondered how I could have gone so long without this. “I’m sorry for everything, honestly, all the back and forth, mistreating you. I'm sorry about being such a dick, y’know, at the start and, well, recently, too.”
“Admittedly, it can be cute.”
I smacked the back of his head. “I’m trying to be serious.”
He laughed against my neck. “I know. I appreciate the unexpected apology. That must have been so difficult for you.”
“It was. I should be rewarded.”
“Another reward with more interest?”
