He frowned. ‘You’re not that much older. And anyway, my mother is older than my father, so for them it is no big deal.’
Like father like son, she thought. And how easy he made it all sound. So tempting too. What was stopping her from saying what did it matter what anyone might think? Why not be tempted? What was the worst that could happen? Surely theworst had already happened to her, she had lost Hugh. Or was she frightened to be with someone new because she feared she might lose them as well?
Her brain was whirling again with a rush ofwhat ifs. She couldn’t live like this though. Living in fear of what each day could bring, she might as well be dead. She had to be brave and make herself vulnerable all over again. It was the only way.
‘Come on,’ she said, abruptly rising to her feet, determined to banish thewhat ifdemons from inside her head. ‘Let’s walk, it’s too cold to sit still for any length of time.’
When Jakob stood up, he reached for one of her hands. It made her remember the day of the wedding when they’d just got out of his car, and he’d given her his arm to lean on so she could safely negotiate the gravel in her heels. She had hesitated at the time, even though it had been a perfectly natural gesture on his part, just as this was now. But this time she didn’t hesitate; she happily placed her hand in his.
They’d only walked a short distance when, and as if both driven by the same spontaneous desire, they came to a stop, turned and gazed at each other.
‘Is this when we risk kissing again?’ he asked.
His voice was low, and drawn in by the powerfully magnetic pull of his blue eyes, Nina saw in them the raw strength of his feelings for her. ‘I think it is,’ she said. ‘What’s more, I don’t think we’ll come to any harm this time.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ he said, ‘my heart is ready to explode!’
His arms moved to hold her close, and their mouths met. Despite the cold, his mouth was invitingly warm and soft, and she pressed her lips against his, sinking deeply into his embrace, finally giving in to the potent ache of her feelings for him.
The kiss only came to an end because from behind them came the sound of heavy breathing and thundering feet. Hastily standing to one side to let the runner by, a juggernaut of a manwho didn’t look like he was built for running, Jakob grinned at Nina. ‘We survived a second kiss and nothing bad happened to us,’ he said.
With a lightness of heart, as if a huge weight had been lifted from her, Nina laughed and they began walking again, her hand in his. His hand felt good. Strong, reassuring and … right.
They’d been walking for a few minutes when Jakob squeezed her hand gently and Nina instinctively sensed that he was about to say something important. She was right.
‘I know a new relationship won’t be easy for you, Nina, but I want you to know that this is not easy for me either. I’ve never had a girlfriend whose partner died, so I know I have to be careful and not say or do the wrong thing that will scare you away.’
Nina had never looked at it from his perspective before. She had only ever thought of the risk to herself in being in a relationship with somebody who wasn’t Hugh. She pondered what he’d said as they continued to follow the path that was a patchwork of fallen leaves. After they’d slowed their step to allow a trio of girls to jog by, she turned to look at Jakob.
‘Thank you for being so honest with me,’ she said, ‘I really hadn’t thought how difficult it might be for you.’
‘It was one of the reasons why I went back to Oslo,’ he said, ‘I lost my nerve. I suddenly became worried that I could never give you what your husband did. Or be like him.’
She was shocked to hear him say this and thought carefully before replying. ‘You don’t have to be like Hugh,’ she said firmly, ‘just be yourself. It’s what we both must do. The worst thing we could do is lose sight of who we are as individuals. If we can’t be our natural selves, then a relationship will never work.’
When she fell quiet, he stopped walking and put his hand to her cheek. ‘Then we must try very hard not to fall into that trap. I’m not used to failing, Nina. And I don’t believe you are either.’
He was right, she hated to fail, she always had. It was one ofthe many things that had upset her about Hugh’s death. She’d felt she’d failed him, that if she had only loved him more, he might have lived. In her more rational moments, she knew that that was nonsense, yet in her darkest moments she’d believed it.
But now was not the time for dwelling on her darkest moments. Not when Jakob was staring at her the way he was, making her legs feel like they were about to dissolve into the ground. She moved her head and kissed the palm of his hand that still rested against her cheek. ‘Let’s walk across the meadows to Grantchester,’ she then said, ‘and have a pub lunch there. I’m suddenly hungry.’
She was, she realised, suddenly hungry for life, and a life lived to the fullest.
Chapter Thirty-Three
It was Sunday evening and emerging from King’s College Chapel with the rest of the congregation, Venetia buttoned her coat and glanced around to see where Ronnie was. They’d managed to get separated in the mêlée of worshippers filing out, many of whom looked like tourists and probably there for the sense of theatre, which was not in short supply in such splendid surroundings. She for one had enjoyed the display of such a time-honoured ritual immensely. The choir had sung beautifully, their voices combining with the swell of the organ notes soaring as though to heaven itself through the magnificent, vaulted roof.
She had never been a regular churchgoer, but she was certainly partial to what might be termed as the high notes of the religious calendar – Christmas and Easter, along with weddings, baptisms, and funerals – the latter occurring increasingly more frequent for her these days.
When Ronnie had asked her if she’d like to attend Choral Evensong with him, she’d been surprised, and he’d known it.
‘What, you thought I was too much of a philistine to want to do something like that?’ he’d said.
‘Do not put words into my mouth, Ronnie Sharp,’ she’d told him sternly. ‘I’m merely surprised that you would want me to join you.’
He’d laughed. ‘Good recovery, I’ll grant you that. So howabout it, do you fancy an hour of mystical malarky with me? We could go for dinner afterwards if you’re up for it.’
‘When you put it like that, how could I possibly refuse?’
