The exquisite pearly opalescence of the sky and the joyful peal of bells were quite at odds with how she felt. She was jittery with nerves, wondering if agreeing to meet Jakob was such a good idea.
When he’d emailed on Friday afternoon asking if he could ring her, the request coming so completely out of the blue had thrown her. It had stirred up the confusion of emotions she’d believed she had dealt with. But one simple email and that belief had been swept away. All she could think of was how to get rid of Cassie from the gallery as quickly as possible so that she could be alone to think. Which was ludicrous. There had been nothing to think about. It had taken her no more than a few seconds to email Jakob and say she was free now if he wanted to ring her. Which was also absurd, because what was the hurry?
The phone had rung a few minutes later, but Jakob hadn’t been able to say much as he’d just boarded a plane to fly back to the UK. What he did manage to say was that he had something important he needed to discuss with her, and could they meet?
Now here she was waiting for him in the agreed spot so they could go for a walk along the river. The walk had been her suggestion. It had seemed a safe option.
And there she went again. Why did she feel she needed a safe option? What did she think was going to happen?
Leaning against the wooden rail of the bridge and watching a pair of swans gliding elegantly by and a couple in a punt braving the chill on the water, she recalled that day in the summer when she had seen Keith and the unknown woman in a punt. She thought of their smiling faces and how happy Keith had looked, and the caring way he’d helped the woman out of the boat. Nina had never witnessed a gesture of that nature pass between him and Hilary.
Poor Hilary, Nina thought sadly. How alone and abandoned she must be feeling. Because of what had happened at the wedding, Nina couldn’t help but feel partly responsible for that. She wished she could put things right and get her in-laws back together. But how? And what might be right for Hilary might not be right for Keith now. He seemed to have made up his mind that his marriage was over. He was, he’d told Nina, happier with Diane than he’d been in a long time with Hilary. He had no idea if it was permanent being with Diane, but what he did know was that he couldn’t tolerate being with Hilary. All this he’d shared with Nina when she’d called him last night to apologise for ending the conversation so abruptly when he’d phoned her at the gallery on Friday.
‘Nothing to apologise for,’ he’d said, ‘it’s quite reasonable that you’d find it difficult to talk about closing that particular chapter of your life.’
‘Do you think Hugh would have wanted me to make the decision I have about the embryos?’ she’d asked Keith.
He had hesitated before answering. ‘I couldn’t say, but he would have been very proud of the way you’ve coped so well. That much I do know. And he wouldn’t have wanted you to remain on your own for the rest of your life,’ Keith had then added. ‘Heard anything from that nice Norwegian chap?’
Not liking his thought process, Nina had lied. ‘No. And what you’re implying is out of the question.’
‘I don’t see why,’ he’d said. ‘The two of you looked as though you were having a great time together at the wedding. You probably won’t thank me for saying this, but a few members of the family who were there that day have since asked me if the two of you were serious about each other.’
Nina had groaned. ‘What did you tell them?’
‘I told them I didn’t know, but that we shouldn’t be surprised if you did start seeing someone seriously as it was only right and proper that you should. And now, because I can hear that you’re cross with me, I shall say goodbye.’
Nina hated the thought that she was the focus of speculation within Hugh’s family, and it made her wonder, as she had before, whether it wouldn’t be better to cut all ties with them. How else could she ever be free of feeling their judgement, or be free of the guilt that she was keen to move on with her life?
But would liberating herself from Hugh’s family be cutting her nose off to spite her face? Shouldn’t she just accept that all families enjoyed gossiping about one another and that judgement went hand in hand with that?
Hilary had certainly given the family plenty to talk about with herWedding-Gatemeltdown. For all Nina knew, the captured moment was still doing the rounds on social media. It was an appalling thought and made her wince.
It also made her wonder why on earth she was waiting here for Jakob. Why put herself through any more emotional turmoil? For that was what it would be, she was sure.
Undeniably she was attracted to him, and he seemed to be attracted to her. Or he had been. It would be so different if he was the same age as her, but convention – and even her own perception of what constituted the ideal relationship balance – dictated that she could be in danger of making a spectacle ofherself. She had always believed that her feminist ideals, when it came to equality, were of sufficient strength to cut through this sort of archaic prejudice, but when push came to shove, it was plainly evident that she couldn’t walk the talk when it came down to it. Ethics and principles were all well and good on paper, but in this case the reality was quite another matter. She was not cut out to be the older woman.
Chiding herself for wasting her energy in going over what she now considered old ground, she decided that Jakob probably only wanted to see her to discuss the idea he’d had when he worked at Lavelle’s, that of her stocking a selection of paintings by Norwegian artists. Well, she was more than happy to explore that business proposal with him.
This thought had just firmly taken hold in her head when she saw Jakob striding purposefully towards her. He was dressed in an unzipped black quilted jacket and a red beanie hat, black jeans and chunky soled laced-up boots. He looked even younger than she remembered. He also looked strangely apprehensive.
‘You came,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t sure that you would.’
‘Why would you think that?’ she asked.
‘For all the obvious reasons,’ he said, his gaze meeting hers.
Reluctant to pursue this, she suggested they cross to the other side of the river, and they set off at a steady pace along the towpath.
‘It’s good to see you again,’ he said. ‘You look radiant. Autumn suits you. It must be the chestnut colour of your hair.’
‘Goodness, what a very unBritish thing to say,’ she responded with a nervous laugh.
‘A few weeks back in Oslo and I’m once more very Norwegian,’ he said. ‘But it’s true, you do look great.’
‘You look well too,’ she said.
‘I suppose you’re wondering why I’m in Cambridge.’
