Hearing the sound of the loo being flushed in the Jack and Jill bathroom that she shared with her sister, Martha put on her dressing gown, the one Mum always kept there for her. She then went out onto the landing and after knocking lightly on Willow’s door, she let herself in.
Willow was back in bed, sitting up and clutching her old rag doll which Mum had made for her when she was little. With the duvet pulled up almost to her chin, she looked poignantly childlike, her hair in messy plaits which she hadn’t brushed out before going to bed. The cut to her lip had formed an ugly scab now and the bruising to her cheek and eye had fanned out to spoil yet more of her face.
‘How’re you feeling?’ asked Martha, closing the door behind her and going over to sit on the edge of her sister’s bed.
‘Not so bad.’
‘Did you manage to sleep?’
‘Off and on.’
‘Me too.’
Still clutching the doll, Willow looked at Martha. ‘I’m sorry … you know … about Dad. That must have been a terrible shock for you. You were always so much closer to him than me.’
‘If I’d known the truth, then I wouldn’t have been.’ She was about to say more, that she wished Willow had confided in her all those years ago, but changed her mind. They both knew that if her sister had told her what she’d witnessed, Martha would never have believed her. She would have called her a liar and probably a lot worse. ‘I’d rather not talk about Dad, if you don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m more concerned about you.’
‘Oh, don’t you worry about me, I’m sure I’ll survive.’
Her voice was maddeningly light, an echo of how Willow had always underplayed things. Now it didn’t ring true to Martha’s ears. Now she understood it for what it was, a veil drawn over whatever real emotion Willow was experiencing. It was one of the things about her sister that had annoyed Martha, her apparent refusal to face up to the important decisions in life and take responsibility for herself. With painful acceptance, she now knew that Willow had been forced to make some far tougher decisions than any Martha had had to. She had more than taken responsibility for herself. Too much so.
‘But the question is, Willow,’ she said gently, ‘how will you cope?’
Willow gave a small shrug of her thin shoulders. ‘You know how hopeless I am at planning things. The baby will arrive and somehow I’ll just have to find a way to cope.’
Martha smiled. ‘Then it’s just as well you have a sister who’s the bee’s knees when it comes to putting together a plan of action.And Mum’s no slouch in that department either, so I’m sure between us we’ll come up with something to support you. More immediately, I think you should see a doctor today, if only to have the bruising to your face officially recorded in your medical notes. I’ll get Mum to ring the local surgery. Okay?’
Willow nodded.
‘Then I would recommend that one of us should speak to Rick. He needs to know that as a family we are now shielding you from him.’ Hearing how bossy and dictatorial she was sounding, Martha softened her tone. ‘That’s if you think that’s a good idea?’ she added.
‘I suppose I should be the one to speak to him,’ Willow said, hugging the rag doll more tightly to her. ‘I’m going to have to at some point, aren’t I? He is the father of the baby, after all.’
More’s the pity, thought Martha.
‘But at least he’s respecting my wishes and giving me time to think. I was so worried he might come hurtling down here after reading my note, or ring the house.’
Martha didn’t think respect came into it; cowardice was probably much more the mark. She decided to raise the matter which she’d discussed with Ellis in the car yesterday. ‘Do you think Rick deliberately got you pregnant?’ she asked.
Willow frowned. ‘Why would he do that?’
‘To trap you. To make you his. Was he in the least bit shocked or even annoyed when you told him you were pregnant?’
Willow seemed to think about this. ‘No,’ she said eventually. ‘I’d dreaded telling him but when I did, he couldn’t have been nicer or more delighted.’
‘And you told me, didn’t you, that because you were taking a rest from the pill,Rick had taken care of matters? What if he fixed things so that an accident would happen?’
‘But I would have known, surely? And really, what does it matter how or why I’ve ended up pregnant? I am and that’s all there is to it.’
It mattered to Martha though. She knew in her bones that Rick had orchestrated this whole thing and she hated the thought that he had used her sister the way he had.
‘Willow,’ she said, ‘there’s something I have to say to you. Something which is long overdue. I haven’t always been a good sister to you, and I’m really sorry for that. Rick accused me of bullying and patronising you and I hate to admit it, but in many ways he was right. Actually, I’d go further and say that there have been times when I’ve been nothing but a cold-hearted bitch towards you.’
‘Oh, that’s nonsense!’ said Willow. ‘You’ve never bullied me. You’re just naturally bossy, you’re the big sister, that’s all.’
Martha shook her head. ‘No, Willow, I can’t go along with that. And I can’t help but think that had I been a better sister you might have told me what happened to you that night at the party. I would have been able to help you. Was I really so unapproachable that you couldn’t tell me?’
‘I couldn’t tell you, in case you let on to Dad. I couldn’t face him ever knowing. He would have said I had only myself to blame, and maybe I did. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. I shouldn’t have gone out that night, I should have been sensible and stayed in to finish that essay. That’s what you would have done. And Dad did always compare us. I could never live up to the high standard you’d set so effortlessly, and this would have been the final straw when it came to his already low opinion of me.I could never please him in the way you did. I was a continual disappointment to him. I suppose I was always a bit scared of him, and his disapproval.’
