“I suppose this leads to the next test?” I asked, hoping to get the Tartarus away from this river.
“I suppose so,” Calix said carefully, looking me over.
“Great.” I clapped my hands, getting out of the boat and waiting for Calix to disembark. I set off down the hill, Calix following behind. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t want to discuss anything that had happened during this last test, from my panic over my memories to getting sliced by a crazy monster, I just wanted to move on.
He seemed to understand, and thankfully, he stayed quiet. There was something to be said for this mate business.
I came to an abrupt halt as we walked around a bend in the path. A wall of pure darkness loomed ahead. It looked like Calix’s shadows, only it was so high and deep I couldn’t see anything around it.
“What in the Otherworld?” I sighed, looking to Calix with exasperation. I was so done with this.
He chuckled, walking up to the darkness. He lifted his hand, drifting it along the wall, feeling the magic emanating from it. “It’s just shadows, like mine. This must be courtesy of Erebus. He’s where my power comes from, and he’s the one who made Tartarus.”
“So it’s safe to walk through then?” I asked, hopefully.
He nodded slowly, eyes scrutinizing the mass before us. “I think so, but I expect this must be our next little obstacle.”
“Right. ‘Face the darkness inside to reach the next portal.’” I nodded my understanding. “Maybe that’s all it is? Facing the literal darkness you have in your shadows? That’s a power inside you, after all.”
My naive optimism was answered with a look from Calix that communicated quite clearly that we couldn’t hope to be so lucky.
“We’ll be okay,” he assured me. “We’ve faced worse things. I have no doubt you’ll face this with the same indignant rage you first met me with.” He chuckled fondly, and I rolled my eyes at him, trying to smother my smile.
“Well.” I tossed my hair dramatically. “I’m sure you’ll face it with that same smug confidence.”
It was his turn to roll his eyes, but he held out a hand for me, and I smiled as I laced our fingers together. We stood before the wall, and I took a deep breath.
“Here’s to no river monsters, this time,” I said hopefully, before stepping inside. It was incredibly disorienting. I could feel Calix’s hand in mine as we walked forward, but I couldn’t see a damn thing. Not even my own body when I looked down. I tried to summon my starlight, but nothing happened, making me panic slightly.
Why weren’t my powers working? I couldn’t even tell if we were making progress as we walked; the darkness was so suffocating.
My panic gave way to pure anxiety. What if my powers never worked again? What if we were stuck here forever with no way out? What if?—
No. Why was I worried about this? I knew this wouldn’t be forever. My anxiety ebbed, and I took in a sharp breath of relief, but instead, my worries about everything else filtered back in. All my fear about Calix being torn from me, about failing the humans and the Fae counting on me, about having no fucking idea what I was doing…
Rage began to bubble in my chest.
How could everyone put so much damn pressure on me?! I’m one person! I was raised to nothing and suddenly handed a kingdom or two to deal with.
Fuck! I just wanted to get through this damn mass and make it to the other side. I wanted to get this whole trip over with and get back to Celesterra. I wanted to free the humans and send Cyrus straight to Tartarus to experience everlasting agony he’d never recover from.
The thought of facing him in battle brought joy to my heart. Getting to unleash on him all the pain he caused. I would burn him and his damn kingdom to ash. I would rip and claw away at everything he built, everything hewas. I would bathe in his blood until he was a footnote in history, a lesson told in history books to warn others about the absolute destruction that would come for them if they tried to follow in his footsteps.
And then we could live our lives in peace.
I could experience life as aqueen. Fill my days with experiencing every damn position Calix could think of with his hundreds of years of experience. I could finally experience a life full of every luxury I was denied before.
And maybe kill every woman in the kingdom who’d experiencedhimbefore while I was at it.
Just the thought of an eternity of dancing at balls, visiting the pool or Nova Falls for a swim with my friends, going shopping with the girls, or going out for a night in Tairngire… I wanted all of it.
I didn’t want to worry about the fate of the world. Or even the rest of the population.Human or Fae. I just wanted to finally livemylife. Absolutelyfree.
A life with my soulmate, where we’d never be torn apart. And I would be worshiped as the queen who?—
No—no, this was all wrong.
Yes, I wanted to live my life. But I worried for every human stuck under the yoke of slavery. I worried for the Fae who stood beside us to fight for them. I didn’t care about being worshipped like some goddess. I just wanted to help make things better.
