Chapter 32
Calix POV
Lookingup at the sky, I would have given anything to be able to spread my wings and take flight, clearing my mind among the stars. But no—Baach and Eryx were determined to keep me grounded, badgering me like my mother had lovingly done once upon a time.
I loved them like brothers, truly, but if they didn’t shut up soon, we were going to need to stage another attack just so I could let my pent-up aggression out—a little bloodshed was exactly what I needed right now.
“What were you thinking?” Eryx demanded, pacing back and forth. I hadn’t seen him this angry since the day he took revenge for his parent’s deaths.
“He wasn’t.” Baach snorted, leaning against the rail of the balcony. “Or his cock was doing all the thinking at any rate.”
I shot him a glare, but he just chucked, brushing me off. I wasn’t in the mood for his blithe remarks, as much as I generally enjoyed them. A dark mood had followed me since I’d left Asteria in the Hedone room. The drinks may have lowered my inhibitions, but I couldn’t blame them, not really—that was all me. My desire for Asteria was beyond anything I had experienced in four hundred and twenty-one years of life.
Before my soul mark, I would have taken her and kept us both in my bed for a week, until neither of us could walk and we were nothing but sweat and cum. I hated the disloyal part of myself that fiercely resented not being to do so now. I wanted her witha passion that blazed like the fires of Tartarus—there was no putting it out.
And yet my soulmate was out there.
“Obviously, he wasn’t fucking thinking!” Eryx roared, and I eased my white knuckled grip on the railing to turn to face him, surprised by the venom in his voice.
“What is the big deal, Eryx?” Baach protested, shaking his head. “They’re both consenting adults.
Eryx scoffed, shifting his ire to Baach. Despite our many years together, or maybe because of them, we could still pick at one another like children on occasion. “The big deal is that Asteria is going to be the one left hurt here. She’s been through enough. She deserves better.”
“You’re right.” I agreed, quietly. He whipped back to face me, incredulous.
“Then why,the fuck, did you do that?” He spat at me, and I had to admire the way Asteria drew people into her orbit. She didn’t even seem aware of it. The way people always told me I had a natural charm that drew others in, kept my lords on side and cooperative, my friends and family close—she had that same natural charisma in spades. Asteria had blown into our lives, and already had my entire inner circle ready to fight for her—even against me.
“Do you think I enjoy this?” I grumbled back at him. “That I want to be torn in half this way?” I turned back to face the sky, trying to calm down so I didn’t deck him. My rage was an inferno that could spark out of control and consume everything in its path. A dragon’s rage was a ferocious thing to behold, and not something I would ever unleash on my family. I could feel the fire rise inside, begging to be released.
I cracked my neck side to side, desperately wishing there was someone to fight. I needed to get a spar in soon, or I was going to explode. I nearly snorted—beautiful brutality is whatmy enemies had dubbed my skills on the battlefield, but I saw no true beauty in battle. Just a necessary relief from the pressures crushing me from every side.
“Cay, you’ve been controlling your desires for years, why do you needher?” Eryx pressed, his anger diminishing a bit.
“Why does the sky need the stars?” I mumbled to myself, but Fae hearing meant the other two had no issue hearing me. Baach let out a low whistle, both his brows flying upwards, but Eryx just looked dejected.
“Look—” I continued, pushing off the railing. “I get you’re unhappy, and that you’re protective of Asteria.”
“She’s like—like a little sister, almost. Sort of like Liv.” Eryx confirmed, and I smiled softly, the first one that had crossed my face since I last saw Asteria.
“I’m glad.” I told him honestly. “She deserves nothing more than to have someone truly looking out for her. I know how loyal you are to those you love, and it’s a relief to know you’re there for her.”
Eryx raised a brow, shaking his head. “This isn’t just lust, is it? You wouldn’t care about me looking out for her that way if it was. You’ve never acted like this before, Cay. It’s a bit concerning, considering.”
“For me more so than anyone.” I admitted, knowing if I could trust any with the truth of this, it was these two. “I don’t know how to explain it. You know, words like always, forever—you’d think they’d mean more to us immortals, since we live so long—we should take those promises more seriously than any other.”
I shook my head, looking at the stars again, but they only reminded me of Asteria—my réalta.
“But the truth is, it just makes them easier to forget. Time stretches like a yawning void, and what felt so desperate, so necessary, fades over time. Passion shifts to familiarity, then into boredom. Like the Darkelm leaves change color everyseason, our viewpoints, our emotions, do the same, and over the length of years we have? Those promises end up falling by the wayside. When I discovered I had a soul mark, I realized Ineverwanted to forget. Never wanted to be one of those who found his mate, only to—years later—no longer appreciate them, this gift I was granted by the gods themselves.”
“Then why—” Eryx interrupted, shaking his head with a furrowed brow—frustration radiating from him.
“Because despite the promises I’ve made to myself, the mere sight of Asteria washes everything else from my sight. The sound of her voice drowns out that of all others. The thought of her sparks a fire in me that burns all others to ash.” I declared passionately, shocking Eryx into silence.
“Damn.” Baach, of course, didn’t know the meaning of silence. “Is it really that intense?” He looked unsure, eyes shooting between Eryx and me.
I nodded, fisting my hands as shadows danced around them, my mixed-up emotions summoning them without my notice.
“If that’s the case, then you need to make a decision, Calix.” Eryx put a hand on my shoulder. “Things can’t stay this way. You have a mate out there, and it’s clear how much that means to you. Asteria deserves better than you running hot and cold on her. So figure your shit out.”
