‘You always allow yourself to be pushed around.’
Sophia was momentarily winded. ‘I do not.’
Tabitha took Sophia’s hands in hers. ‘You are one of the loveliest people I know. You are kind and generous, and you forgive so easily it is painful to watch. I am willing to bet all the pin money I have received this Season that you have not said a cross word to Marrisa, despite the fact that it is her fault you became betrothed to a man you did not know.’
‘I…’ Sophia had certainly said cross words to her sister in her head, but she doubted Tabitha would accept that.
‘Well, have you?’
‘No. I have not. I know I should have done, because she really should not have come up with the idea to trap the Duke of Glanmore into marriage and that was utterly unacceptable. But I do think…’
‘No, Sophia. That is not what I meant. You should be angry with her because she is the reason you became betrothed to a stranger. Admittedly, a very handsome, very funny stranger, who is a far better fit for you than Robert Harber. But that was down to pure luck and not the way Marrisa planned for the evening to go.’
‘It was her idea to trap His Grace into marriage, but it was not her fault I decided to act.’
Tabitha squeezed her hands. ‘Marrisa had a hairbrained scheme and would not listen to reason. If you had not done what you had, it would be her betrothed to Lord Christopher instead of you and, that, my dear friend, would have done no one any good.’
Something cold and sharp wrapped itself around Sophia’s heart at the thought of Christopher and her sister engaged. Marrisa would not have let him go either; she would not appreciate that keeping Christopher in a cage of marriage would have been a sure way to slowly destroy him. Christopher was meant to be free. It was for the best that it was she who had found him that day, because she wouldhave the strength of character to let him follow his dreams. Marrisa only followed her own and they would not suit at all.
‘See,’ said Tabitha when Sophia said nothing. ‘I can see you doing it now. You are talking yourself out of being angry with your sister for trapping you in an impossible situation.’
‘It is not impossible. I am not going to marry him.’
Tabitha dropped her hands and leaned back in the chair. She seemed to stare into the middle distance, but Sophia sensed she had more to say. Shortly, she was proven correct. ‘And what is going to befall you and your family when this almighty scandal becomes apparent?’
‘It will only fall on me. I shall retire to the country for a Season or two. Women have made worse decisions and gone on to have families.’
‘Retire to the country! Do you hear yourself? You are only one and twenty, not some old maid. And you are wrong if you think this scandal will only affect you.’
Tabitha didn’t seem to be getting this. Her decision was for the best. She had no intention of tying herself to a man who would come to despise her for trapping him. They would both be miserable for the rest of their lives. If she had to have a quiet few years while Society forgot about her, then so be it. She would not marry a man who did not love her, not when she was beginning to develop feelings for him. It would be a living hell. ‘Lord Christopher does not want to marry me. I will not tie him into that so that the next few years of my life are filled with balls.’
‘You were not in that conservatory by yourself, Sophia. Lord Christopher was there too. It is not down to you to sacrifice your own happiness and to do something that could potentially lead to the ruination of your sisters. No, stop shaking your head. You are doingit again. Putting someone else’s needs before your own. What do you really want, Sophia? Do you want to live in the middle of nowhere or do you want to be Lady Sophia, wife of Lord Christopher, last in line to the Glanmore dukedom and spending your life with the person who makes you laugh more than anyone else in the world?’
Sophia closed her eyes, not wanting Tabitha to see what was in her soul, because yes, she could picture it. In this version a lifetime with Christopher stretched ahead of her, full of shared laughter, ridiculous stories and kisses that burned her soul. It was a version that could never happen. They did not love each other. Any marriage between them would be based on a mistake. Or perhaps she did love him; maybe that was what this was about. To truly love someone, you had to let them be themselves and if that involved sisterly love and allowing them to make catastrophic mistakes, or romantic love and letting them go and live the lives they wanted, then that was what it took.
Before she could formulate this in a way that Tabitha would understand, Peterson knocked on the door. ‘Lord Christopher is here to see you, Miss Jacobs. Are you at home to him?’
Sophia’s heart began to slam against her ribs. She should send him away until the ground felt solid beneath her feet once more. Everything Tabitha had said had left her feeling raw, like a fresh cut on sensitive skin. And yet… and yet, they had so little time left together that if she did not see him, then she was wasting it. ‘Please do send him up. Tabitha will chaperone.’
Peterson nodded and withdrew.
Tabitha took a sip of her tea, watching her steadily. They had never spoken so frankly before and Sophia wondered if their relationship had changed forever. Would Tabitha still want to be her friend when the scandal over the broken betrothal became common knowledge inthe Ton? They had been friends for so long, but just like with Robert, this could be another relationship she was about to lose. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask how she felt about their friendship, when Christopher’s heavy footsteps in the hall outside reached her and the words remained unsaid.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Christopher’s smile did not light up his face as it normally did; it almost looked like someone had painted it on but whoever had done it had made a bad job of it. As he moved closer, Sophia saw faint smudges under his eyes and she wondered if he had been up all night remembering their wild carriage ride too. She dismissed the idea as soon as she thought it. Unlike her, that had not been his first kiss. That giddy, pleasurable feeling that had eclipsed all common sense was probably normal to him, nothing special.
A sharp pain cut across her palm. Glancing down, she realised her hands had curled into fists, her nails digging into her skin. She unfurled them, almost bewildered by herself and the way she was acting. The sooner she ended her connection with him, the better. The rage bubbling through her at the thought of Christopher with some faceless woman was ridiculous. She had no hold over the man; he owed her no loyalty, nor she him. It would not be long now and it would all be over. Once she was away from him, her normal equilibrium would be restored. The thought did nothing to calm her churning stomach.
‘Lord Christopher,’ said Tabitha, once he was bowing in front of them. ‘It is lovely to see you again, but I am afraid I must leave youboth. I have been gone a long time and Mama will be wondering where I am.’
Sophia bit her tongue to stop herself from pointing out that barefaced lie. Tabitha’s mother rarely surfaced before mid-afternoon and only concerned herself with getting ready for that evening’s entertainment. The whereabouts of her only daughter was not something she ever considered. Having unconventional parents was something she and Tabitha had first bonded over when they had met. But to point this out in front of Christopher would lead to more problems than it would solve.
‘I shall ask Peterson to send a maid in as I leave,’ said Tabitha, a fleeting smile crossing her lips, suggesting she was lying about that too.
There was no way Sophia would allow herself to be alone with Christopher for any length of time. If a chaperone did not turn up soon, Sophia would ring for one. Last night had proven she couldn’t be trusted without one. Heaven knew what she would get up to if Christopher gave her half the chance. She closed her eyes, willing herself not to remember the scrape of his stubble against the sensitive skin of her neck and the press of his fingers against her arms as he held her to him. These flashes of memory had been hitting her all day and she wanted,neededthem to stop.
With Tabitha gone, Christopher’s wide shoulders seemed to take up more space than ever before. His very presence sucked the air out of the room, leaving Sophia short of breath.
