“You see, this is why I didn’t tell you.I knew you were going to be angry.I didn’t want to be dragged off to the hospital in the middle of the night.”
“So you would rather risk your life and the life of our child?”
I can’t believe him!“You know I would never do that.If I thought it was serious, I would have told you.I would have called the ambulance myself.”
If his jaw was clenched any tighter his teeth would crack and crumble out of his head.
He abruptly turns and walks to the living room.I’d forgotten Ava could hear the whole argument.Though it’s nothing she hasn’t seen or heard before.If it was someone else listening to the intimate details of our life, I would be mortified.But our whole relationship has played out in front of her, good and bad.
“Ava, you have to leave, your friend and I need to have a serious talk.”
Ava is already putting on her coat when I walk in the living room.“Ava, stay,” I say, then turn to him.“Don’t be rude, Nick.”I turn my back to him and Ava looks at me.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, and so is the baby.”He grumbles and goes to the front door to wait for Ava.“I went to the doctor, as you heard, and he’s upset because I didn’t tell him about it—”
“Or the circumstances that brought you to see the doctor,” he says from the door.
Ava lowers her voice and leans down to put on her shoes.“Next time let me know you need a cover story.You’re terrible at it, sweetie.”She’s right about that.“I’ll call you tomorrow to see how you’re doing.I’m going out with Chloe and Matt later, I was going to tell you to come but you’re not going anywhere.You have your hands full taming the beast.”
“Yeah.”I nod.“Tell them I said hi.”
She puts her hand on my belly, which she hasn’t done since I told her I was pregnant, and says, “Bye, baby cuz, I’m glad you’re okay.I know your mommy wouldn’t put you in any danger.”She looks at me.“Your daddy is being overprotective because he cares about the both of you so much.”
Ava walks to the door, and I feel guilty for not telling her about today either.I know she’s not mad at me.She always has my back, but this way Nick can’t drag her into this.I guarantee he’d be angrier at Ava than me for going along with the lie.
Nick
I open the door forAva and watch Cat walk to the bedroom.
“I’m going home, you two need to talk.Take it easy on her.If she says she’s fine, she and the baby are fine.She wouldn’t lie to you about that.”
“No, just withhold the truth.”
She taps me on the shoulder with a neatly manicured fingernail.“People who live in glass houses.Take it easy on her.”
I look out the window over the city in the living room.I need to calm down before I go talk to her.Ava’s more right than she even knows; I’m lying to her by not telling her I was sharing a hotel room with my ex-girlfriend.Paige is nothing to me.The difference is my lie is protecting her from unnecessary hurt because nothing happened.No one was at risk of getting hurt and no one’s life was in danger.She needs to understand if she thinks something—anything—might be wrong with her and the baby, she has to let me know.Even if I’m going to overreact, Let me.When it comes to her and this pregnancy, I’m going to overreact and make sure they’re okay.That’s what I’m supposed to do—worry so she doesn’t have to.
Leaning up against the wall in the bathroom, my hands in my pockets, I watch her move around, ignoring me while she reties the sash on her robe.I’m smiling because it reminds me of when she was younger.When she was really mad at me she would ignore me.No call, nothing.She drove me crazy with that shit.I never told her because if she knew she would use it against me, like when she would purposefully cut me off in the middle of a sentence.Drove me crazy when she did that and she knew it.
She looks the same; nothing’s changed except her age.Cute and girly, hair up high in a ponytail.She used to have a similar pink-and-white silk robe when she was in high school.I saw her in it once and I wanted to touch her in the worst way.I knew I couldn’t, I had to turn away and leave before she saw me.Now look at us.She’s having my baby.
She stops moving and puts her hands out at her sides saying, “What?You want to scream at me some more?”
She walks past me and I push off the wall, following her to the bedroom.“Sit down.”She refuses by folding her hands defiantly above her stomach.“Please, sit down.”Slowly unfolding her arms, she sits.I sit next to her on the bed and palm her stomach with my hand, kissing her belly.“Hey, you.I need you to move for me so I know you’re okay in there.”She’s carrying small, but the doctor said it’s fine.She’s a small person, and the baby is developing fine.I can’t wait till I can actually feel him move for myself.“I don’t want anything to happen to you or this baby.”She takes my hand and places her other hand on my thigh.
“You think I don’t notice?Sometimes I wake up with you clinging to me for dear life and your hands roaming over my belly almost like you’re making sure the baby’s still there.What’s wrong?You’re not telling me what’s wrong.”
I see the worry in her soft brown eyes.I didn’t realize she noticed anything was wrong.I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it from her.
“You not wanting to worry me is making me worry more.You need to talk to me, Nick.I don’t want you to hide things from me, especially now.Pregnancy hormones are kicking in and everything seems more heightened and intense.”
“I know, right?The sex is off the chart good.”I smile, and she smiles at my attempt at a joke and rolls her eyes.
“As out-of-this-world amazing as the sex is, it’s not keeping you asleep at night.You need to talk me.”
“I’ve been having a recurring dream.I see Kate losing the baby, and I go to help her, but when she looks at me, it’s you.The first time it happened I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart was racing, and I couldn’t breathe.I was having a frigging panic attack in my sleep.It’s always the same.The fear, the panic, and the helplessness…I can never save you.”
