I never said he couldn’t touch me, but I guess it’s better he doesn’t, because I’m hornier now than the last time I was here.I wasn’t this sexually frustrated when I was with Matt.Being around Nick throws my hormones out of whack.I’m constantly thinking about him at night then I find myself wondering if he’s been with someone or if he’s seeing someone.I had been dating Matt, so obviously he’s free to be with whomever he wants, but dammit, I don’t want to think about it.
Tonight, he and Gage are going over to Shawn’s house to watch the basketball game.I’m sitting on the couch flipping through channels and my phone rings.I pick it up and stare at the screen, not knowing what to think.While I debate whether I should answer his call, it goes to voicemail.And then I’m questioning if I should listen to it, because I don’t know what the hell he’s going to say to me this time.Nick comes out of the room a minute later and sees me in the same position still debating with myself.He sits on the other end of the couch.
“Cat, are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you staring at a blank phone screen?”
“Voicemail.I don’t know if I want to listen to it.”
“Is it from the doctor’s office?It can’t be, we were there this morning, and he said everything was fine.”
“No, no, it’s Jay.He left me a voicemail.The last time he left me a message, let’s just say it wasn’t anything a sister would want to hear from the brother who has taken care of her and looked out for her since she was a little girl.”
“What did he say?”
“It’s not important; it was right after Kate lost the baby and tensions were high between everyone.I haven’t spoken to him since and he hasn’t called till now, while I’m here sitting on your couch pregnant with your child.God, that would be the nail in the coffin if he knew.”No way I’m telling Nick that Jay’s previous message called me a whore.Nick’s shown me a different side of himself and that side is going to go flying out the window if I tell him anything like that.Chris is the only one I told, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
“You should listen to it, see what he has to say.”
I look at him like he has two heads.Jay and he aren’t on speaking terms after the fight in the hospital.“I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“Me either, but it might be good for you if he wants to work things out.Especially considering the news you’re going to drop on him soon.Can’t ignore a baby or a very pregnant you…it might make things easier when you drop the news you’re having this baby with me.”
For the first time since I’ve been here, he touches me by reaching across the cushion and touching my hand, almost stroking it.We smile at each other warmly, and that familiar current that’s always between us runs through me.I know the exact moment he feels it too because he pulls away and averts his eyes to the phone in my other hand before he says, “Go ahead, listen to it.”
I press the button, tap the screen, and put the phone to my ear and brace myself.
“Hey, sis, it’s been a while.I think it’s time we cleared some things up.You talk to Chris and Vanessa on a regular basis, so I know you’re doing as well as can be expected.Please give me a call when you get this message.It’s time we talked.”
I put the phone down, not knowing what to say or think.
“What did he say?”
“He thinks it’s time we talked and cleared things up between us.”
“And what do you think, are you ready?”
“Before I found out about the baby, I would have said yes; now, I’m not so sure.I think I should wait and tell him and my family about the baby instead on patching things up and having it fall apart again when he finds out you’re the father.I don’t want to do the up and down, it’s all too much.”
“When you’re ready, I’ll be right there with you.You don’t need to do this alone.I’m here for you.”
I tilt my head to the side and look at him, reaching over to feel the warmth of his hand, grateful for him saying what I needed to hear, without hostility for my family.I’m not sure if he truly means it but that’s what I need: support and understanding.“Thank you.”
He squeezes my hand then turns those soul-bearing eyes of pale blue-gray on me.“All I’m asking is for you give me a chance, a second chance.I know who I am, and I don’t make excuses for being me, except when it comes to you.You make me second-guess myself, my decisions, and my choices.Two things I believe you know, and I’m going to call myself out here—I’m a bastard at times, and I believe we both know there is no denying I love you.I’ve loved you for many years, and that will never change.”
With the sensory overload of his hands and eyes trained on me, and emotions welling up inside me, I’m about to say something I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to say to him.He watches me intently as I open my mouth, and the words I’m about to say are cut short by the sound of the front door opening.Gage.Thank goodness, he saved me from pouring out my heart in the midst of overflowing emotions I’m not sure need to be spoken out loud just yet.
Jumping off the couch, I pull away from Nick, who’s scowling, to wrap my arms around Gage, almost knocking him over.He flashes a bemused smile, wrapping me in his arms.
“Hey, hey, now, what’s this?I know it’s been a while since we saw each other, but don’t attack me, my brother might get jealous,” he says, chuckling.“But hell, anytime a beautiful woman wants to grab me, I’m not going to put up a fight.I finally have you where I’ve wanted you since I was eight.”
I pull back smiling up at him as Nick says, “I thought I told you to call me and I’d meet you outside?”
“Yeah, about that, I didn’t listen to you.I thought I’d pop in and give you a little impromptu visit.I usually find the best things when you’re not expecting me.And lookie here, I’m not disappointed at all.You keep hiding her away from me, but I keep finding her.”
Nick gets up and starts walking to his room.“I’ll be right back, I’m going to get my wallet.”
