“But not enough to help you through your problems and to forget about Nick.Otherwise I would have been the first call you made when you needed help.”
I can’t deny it—he’s right.No need for me to hurt him by saying it out loud.So I tell him the truth.“I appreciate the great friend you’ve been to me and not asking me about my family, even though we both know you know the situation.You were just there for me, as a friend giving me a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed one.Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome.Whenever you need a shoulder or two I’ll be here.All you have to do is call.Better yet, I’ll call you.I’m not giving up but I know when it’s time to step back.”
Nick
Isn’t this a bitch?I’msweating bullets, doing a stint as a mini-stalker in front of her building, while the mother of my child is going on a date with some other guy.I hate this.Every fucking night I lie awake wondering where she is and if she’s sleeping with him!
For weeks I’ve been living in fucking torture.I’m constantly worried if she’s feeling well or if she needs anything.I know she’s not eating much; I just don’t want anything to happen to her.What if she passes out again at home?No one’s there with her, and it’s not like I can call one of her friends or Ava to check on her when they don’t know she’s pregnant.
On edge, I sit back, waiting for her to leave with Matt so I can see for myself she’s fine.I know what she said, but she didn’t look like she was feeling too good.That worries me more than anything else.As I’m waiting in my car, Matt comes out by himself.Maybe she changed her mind about going out because she isn’t feeling well.Damn, I can’t call her.She wasn’t thrilled with me showing up and almost getting into it with Matt, and there’s a very good chance she won’t answer my call.Damn.I sit there for another thirty minutes before I say fuck it.I’d rather her be mad at me than her being sick and by herself or worse.I practically knock her door down.“Cat?Cat, open the door.I want to make sure you’re all right, then I’ll leave, I promise.Cat!Cat!”The door flies open mid-knock with a pissed off Cat who looks ready for blood.
“Stop knocking on my door like a madman or I’m going to call the police before my neighbors get a chance to!”
“Sorry, I wanted to make sure you were fine.”
“You came back for that, unannounced, again?You could have called, that’s why they invented a little thing called the telephone; you should try using it.”
“I know you’re upset with me, but you have to admit I held my shit together pretty good.”
“You want a fucking medal for that?You wouldn’t have had to hold it together if you didn’t show up here unannounced, which I asked you not to do!”Pissed and yelling, she stops and grips the door handle, taking a deep breath before continuing.“But here you go again, doing what you want to do, as usual.”
Worried more than I was a while ago, I reach for her.“Cat?”She pulls away and stumbles a little.Ignoring her protests, I rush forward, wrapping my arms around her when she looks like she’s going to fall.Scooping her up in my arms, I kick the door closed and lay her down on the couch.“Cat?”
She rolls her head to the side and says, “I’m fine.I was a little dizzy.I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.What if I wasn’t here?You could have hit your head and gotten another concussion or worse.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“I’m concerned for the mother of my child; I have a right to be,” I manage to say with an easy tone not to upset her more.“I think it would be best if you came to stay with me.”
“What?No!”she says, sitting up against the arm of the couch, resting her head on a pillow.“I’m not going to stay with you, that’s ridiculous.I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can, but Ava’s not here, and this is the second time you’ve fainted.What if I wasn’t here?Then what?”
“I would get off the floor and call myself an ambulance.”
“Not funny.Look at me.I don’t want to receive another call telling me you’re in the hospital.”
“Fine then, I won’t call you.”
“You’d better call me.Listen to me, stay with me until Ava comes back in a few weeks.”I hold her chin in my hands for her to look at me.“If not for you, for the baby, please.If you don’t, I’m going to have to call Chris or someone in your family.Not because I’m trying to be a prick to get what I want, but because I’m genuinely worried about you and the baby.”
She moves my hand off her face and says, “Fine.”
I spend the night at her house, and the next day after work, I pick her up and bring her things over to my house.
Cat
April
Today, Nick and I wentto my second prenatal visit together, and he was like a different person.He sat by me the entire time, not saying a word while my doctor did the exam.But I could tell it was killing him not to ask a million and one questions.I couldn’t help cracking a smile when the doctor was finished and I said to him, “Go ahead, ask away.”He really does care, and he’s trying to respect my wishes the best he can.He hasn’t asked me about Matt at all and what happened between us the last night we were at my apartment and he left without me.
He’s being the perfect gentleman, but something has changed from the last time I was here.He doesn’t touch me, and he hasn’t touched me once since I’ve been here.He’s going out of his way to stay away from me.The morning before the sonogram, we ate breakfast together and had the usual what we were going to be doing for the day conversation.As soon as we finished—and he made sure I ate something—he just left the room.
He goes out of his way not to touch me—accidentally or on purpose.I tried to touch his arm in the doctor’s office, and he backed up against the station like he couldn’t get away from my touch fast enough.He turned away, turned back around, and gave me a strained smile.He said, “I can’t have you touch me.If you want me to keep respecting your wishes, this is the only way I know how to control myself around you.”He really listened to me; it felt good he valued what I wanted and took it to heart.
